Guess I Got Some 'Splainin To Do

I have received 7 e-mails questioning why I deleted the post I wrote yesterday. It's actually kind of funny...umm...A lot of drama ensued the events of Saturday night, and the people at my job were really trying me, so I figured, all I needed was for a big mouth person who doesn't really like me, to read my blog and spread my business. I had a lapse in judgement with that post, but I don't apologize, because I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was tell the truth and some people just can't seem to be able to handle the truth. You know who you are, and it doesn't matter, because I'm still doing me regardles...hoes (sorry I had to add that).

Ok so this is not a sad day for me, nor is it a sad blog. I am very...something...I don't know what I am, but I'm not sad or angry or anything of that nature. But, I'm also not really happy either...whatever.

So tell me why I got out of school today at my normal time (10:20 am) and I get ready to get in my car and go to work. Ok so, the whole story behind early release students is, if you have met all of your graduation requirements, you can leave early, but the only thing is, you have to either have a car and drive, or have a steady ride. Well, you know how it is, people always lie to get their way, so there are like 25 students who are early release and don't drive or have a ride, so they wait for the other kids that do drive to come out and they hustle a ride. I don't mind giving out rides to people I know and like, because I know how it feels to need a ride! But...when I don't know you, don't ask me for a ride...please and thanks. This girl Kristen that goes to my school is one of those people that I don't really care for, but she always seems to ask me for a ride. I usually whore her up, because she smells bad, and she's just triflin', but today I was in a good mood. So I gave her a ride or whatever, and mind you she lives 20 minutes away, but I still was in a good mood, so I didn't mind the drive....BUT OH NO!!! This bitch had the nerve to pop an E pill in my car! I didn't realize what it was at first, so I was like "what' s wrong you got a headache?" That bitch was like, "Oh no, this is X, do you want one?" I was like "FUCK NO, GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR, BITCH!" She thought it was a game, but oh was she heated when she found out I was serious...needless to say, I don't think she'll be asking me for a ride anymore. Sorry gir!

Oh yeah, thanks Patrik for the love...I almost fell out of my chair when I read your comment. I'm such a big fan of your work.

And thank you Tambi for holdin' me down in the rough patches...things are gettin really messy around the good GAP, but it'll be ok soon!!!

Random Fridays...

Yea so this week, I told you guys that I got rid of James ("Gary") and that Jump Off #3 was ELIMINATED! But, also, I was really, very disturbed to hear the news that Noah's Arc wouldn't be coming back to my flat screen TV or iTunes anymore, but to the silver screen in 2008....what a blower. I hope they at least put Season 2 on DVD. Regardless of what anyone said about the acting, wardrobe, storyline, or whatever, it is still one of my favorites shows. I mean I haven't rushed home to catch a TV show since Real World Philadelphia!
On a lighter note, I PASSED ALL MY FINALS!!!! I mean I really didn't have any doubt that I wouldn't, but it still feels good to know for sure! My english exam kicked my ass though. I was really callin' on GOD for that exam!
Also, I saw Stomp the Yard, and I must say, that although I really wasn't to excited to see it (I would've rather seen Dreamgirls) I still really enjoyed it. Here are my thoughts...

• Ok so, I must admit, I was kinda throwin shade at Meagan Good earlier for her roles in all these "black productions", but to her defense, she did an awesome job. That still doesn't delete the fact that I want to see her win an Oscar in the future.
• Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I went with my dad, and it was SOOO awkward when those sexy ass men had their shirts off...let's just say, my dad was lookin at me extra hard to see if I was starin at those bodies.......and I was
• It was nice to see some of the people from RIZE on the different dance crews.
• The storyline was stupid...it was like "Your Drumline Got Served"....why was it like SUPER PREDICTABLE??
• I almost cried when Chris Brown got shot. I don't care how fake it looked. I don't even LIKE Chris Brown
• I LOVED the way Darrin Henson (Grant) kept getting whored OVER and OVER again!
• Nathan Adams (Theta Stepper #9) was also on Noah's Arc Season 1. He played Dwayne. You guys remember Dwayne. He was the one that worked at Trade Analysis with Ricky and Noah and Alex bet Ricky $20 that he couldn't go without having sex with him. Needless to say, they did have sex, and it made for the HOTTEST sex scene on the whole season! If you haven't seen it, then you don't have Season 1 on DVD or you don't press the Enter button on your remote when the little palm tree comes up on your screen.....either circumstance, you need to get it together!

Ok so, I guess that's it for me. umm....yea, so don't forget to listen to Trent's show tonight. You can download it for iTunes or listen to it through his blog (http://justasktrent.blogspot.com). Peace and Love....have a lovely weekend!

Letter to the People

This is the 2nd Installment of Mr. QueerKid's (http://queerkidofcolor.blogspot.com) column on my page. Once again, it is a very well written piece, so enjoy! Thanks Queer Kid!


Letter to the people

So, I have a bi-weekly column-ish type thing on Jared’s blog here. I’m glad he’s given me the opportunity to be able to write on his blog.

Now, I want to share with you all something dear to me. I never used this letter and no one has ever seen it before today. I wrote it on November 22nd 2005; when I was still discovering my love for writing and discovering my identity. From which things have changed. Again, although this letter was intended to be given out, I never gave it out. But here it is;

P.S. My writing sucks here and my grammar, so bare with me!

Everyday I wake up unhappy. Unhappy to move out of my bed, because I carry a secret. A secret, that can hurt my family and friends. I have kept this secret since June of 2005. When I finally discovered my real identity. All of me wanted to change so that I can go fourth and make everyone else happy. But now I know that I’m not going to change. This is who I am. And if no one likes it then that’s OK. If you can’t deal with the fact that I am like this, it seems like you have issues. I’m not going to live unhappy, while someone else embraces their identity. Truth is; I am a bisexual Dominican. I love myself for it. I love women. I love men. Is that a problem? I hope it’s not. Even if it is I don’t care. I’m fine. I don’t have a disease. I’m not going to die. And I refuse to believe that God is going to condemn me for who I am. Truth of the matter is God loves me. He loves me. God loves me. If he didn’t I wouldn’t be alive today proclaiming to all who I am and who it is that I like.

At the end of this letter you can either love me or hate me. You can choose to not talk to me anymore or you can choose to call me up and tell me that its ok for me to be who I am. If you have receive this letter it is because whether you know it or not you have had a positive affect in my life. I’m always asked how my day is and always say what I think will make people happy. But screw it. I’m tired. I've been depressed and I’m not going to take this anymore. Before coming out to my mother I was depressed to the point of total exhaustion. But its over. No more sleepless nights, no more cutting of the wrist, no more taking pills to what I think will end my days. Those days are over. I wanted to tell you about me. And I did. Go ahead crumble this letter up, throw it in the garbage, go gossip about me, go ahead and torture me, but why should I hide inside a closet?

Many people have laughed and talked about gays and lesbians and bisexual people in front me and expected me to be cool with it. I’m not cool with it at all. The laugh that I give when someone makes a nasty comment is me hiding myself. If you’ve said something about gay, lesbian , bisexual people, in front of me I don’t forgive you. Not the least bit. I guess you weren’t quick enough to judge.

Now, I want to thank the sick school who called me a “faggot” or “homo” without me even confirming it. To correct you I am BISEXUAL. I’m thanking you not because of the nasty comments, but because you have pressured me into finally coming out.
I’m done. This is me. I’m still bisexual. I will never change. I don’t want to change. I doubt that I will change. I’m the source to my own identity.

If you have a problem with me and who I am…well…It sounds like your personal problem now.

Jared's Next Top Jump-Off

Ok, so as I said yesterday, I have (or actually had) 3 Jump-Offs that were in the running to becoming Jared's Next Top Jump-Off (JNTJ). I received a lot of flack about that..I won't put any names out there, but I was called a hoe and a freak (jokingly of course) and I was told that I was too young to be having sex anyway. But whatever. I figured since Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and it's too close to the 14th for me to actually fall in love, I might as well have some fun. And then my birthday (May 9th people, May 9th) is coming, and you guys already know what's going down then!
So anyways, I have these three guys that are trying to get me bodied right now, but I thought I'd talk to all of them at the same time and then narrow down the one that I wanted to be with (I know somebody's gonna call me a ho for that). So here are the descriptions:

J-O #1: Tall, chocolate brotha with dreds. 19 years old. Kinda shy. Has only had sex once with a guy, none with a girl. Works 2 jobs and has his own car, and pays his own rent by himself. Really sexy...36" waist. Don't ask me how I know that.

J-O #2: Tall, chocolate, kinda thick brotha. Braids. 20 years old. Really outgoing, but not in a queenie type of way. Really funny. Who knows how many people he's had sex with. Works as an EMT and has his own car and pays his own rent by himself. Not as fine as J-O#1 but his personality makes up for it.

J-0#3: Medium height (5'7-5'8), skinny dude with a little bush. 20 years old. LOVES MUSIC. We can talk about music on the phone for hours. He's one of those souly kind of Common type of guys. Works at Hollister. No car. Lives at home with his mom. Finer than J-O#2, but not as fine as J-O#1.

So this is the deal. J-O#3 was kicked off of my reality show yesterday. The whole story behind that is wild. On Sunday, we were talking on the phone and he was at American Eagle buying sweatshirts. He bought like 3 and they were like 30 bucks each. Ok, so there's nothing wrong with that. But wait, yesterday I texted him to see how he was doing and he said bad, so I asked him why things were going so bad. He texted me back saying "I need $16 to get to work and my dad is in iraq." I texted him back like whatre you talking about? He was like "oh srry. a bus pass costs $16 for a week and my dad usually gives me the money when I don't have it but hes in Iraq right now...so I don't know what I'm gonna do." Then this nigga goes on to ask me if I would drive to Baltimore County, which is like 45 minutes away from my house and give him $20....Nigga What?! no No NO! There are 2 reasons that I didn't do him the favor:

1. He's not my man...he's just a jump off
2. Nigga you was buyin sweatshirts at American Eagle!! You shoulda been buyin bus passes!!

So needless to say, I was like. I have in my hands, 2 photgraphs..Whoevers name I do not call, must immediately pack their sweatshirts and go back to momma's house! For those of you who have never seen America's Next Top Model, and don't know what happens after she doesn't show you your picture....well let's just say, they go home.

J-O#3, you are no longer in the running to being Jared's Next Top Jump-Off....sorry!

I'll keep you guys posted on the other 2 as things happen, but remember to stay away from

J-O#3's

"Ain't No Feelin' Like Bein' FREE"

YESSS!! Me and "Gary" finally got ourselves together!! The whole story behind me and this "Gary" character is funny because like he thought he could have sex with my friend, and do it "secretly" so that I wouldn't find out about it...HA!! Well, needless to say "Gary" whose real name is James...I don't know why I've been protecting his identity all this time...and my ex-friend Jonathan are no longer in my circle! I was so mad, I didn't even "Ring the Alarm" like I said I was gonna do if he ever cheated. Oh well!
So anyways, as everybody has probably experienced by now at least once, when you're in a relationship and it goes awry, the offender always wanna be blowin up your phone and sendin you text messages and hittin' up your MySpace talkin bout how sorry he is...WHATEVER! You shoulda thought about that before you went stickin' around!
So Sunday (our first snow of the year), he texts me and he was like, remember when we met? This was significant, because last year we met on the first snow of the year and it was all romantic and stuff. So he got me at my point of weakness, and I texted him back like "yea, so". And he's like "don't act like that, I'm sorry" and so I was like "I'm sorry too, that you felt the need to do what you did". So then he was like "man, how many times do I have to apologize?". I was like "don't try to put it on me, like I was the one in the wrong." So finally he was like "where does that leave us then?" and I was like "we're done."
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD THAT FEELS!! See we were like in a pending relationship status for like 3 months. I mean, we both knew what was up, but we never sat down and said, "hey it's over, stop calling me", it was more of me finding out and not speaking to him anymore. So now I'm trying to decide which jump-off I want to keep for Valentine's Day and my birthday, cuz you know it's gonna be on, on both of those days! It is NOT a game...so I have 3 Jump-Offs right now and they all have potential but only one can be Jared's Next Top Jump-Off.
I'll go more into detail about them tomorrow, cuz they're funny to me. Jump-Off # 1 and I have a date on Friday night, so keep your fingers crossed, and I'll keep my legs crossed!

Things I Hate About Myspace and Other Various Dating/Networking Sites

I have been on myspace since last year and I've been on some other dating/networking sites for about that time as well. It's cool, because I've met a lot of people and found some people that I haven't seen in years. BUT, there are some things that I absolutely can't stand about these sites and I have comprised a list that I will share with you now.

• I HATE when people post those stupid bulletins talkin' bout "OMG This Really Works!!!!!" and the bulletin has some great "Myspace profile counter" or some "Top 100" I hate that shit!! It doesn't work!
• I HATE when people have like 6,000 friends....you're stupid....go play on train tracks
• I HATE when people put pictures in their photo album and they put a caption on it saying "I'm so ugly", or "I'm so fat"...no you're not, and if you were, you wouldn't have posted the picture.
• I CAN'T STAND when people post those bulletins with some pointless shit in it and then at the bottom say "send this to 10 people in the next 3 minutes or your love life is gonna suck for the next 10 years" Ok my love life already sucks, so I have nothing to lose.
• I HATE when people send you threats over these sites. Fighting over the internet is like being in a spelling bee.....even if you win, you're still a dork.(except for Akeelah)
• I HATE when people that I don't even talk to wonder why they are not on my Top Friends list...How 'bout, because I don't like you whore. Remove yourself from my presence.
• I HATE when dumb people send you a friend request and when you delete it, they send you another message saying "what's up witchu not accepting me?" I don't want your foolishness on my page! That's what's up!
• I REALLY CAN'T STAND when like little slutty 12 year olds try to hit your page up and send you filthy, horny little messages and call you daddy and all this other messy craziness. I'm like, "I'm going to forward this to the police as well as your mother, and don't you have a spelling test to be studying for?"
• I DON'T LIKE when people send you messages that say..."what's up yo, are you a top or a bottom, cuz im tryna get atchu"....WHAT?! no no no and NO!!

I'm really not bitching or anything...actually, I think some of this stuff is funny. I think if people would just contemplate what they do before they do it, Myspace and those other wannabe sites would be a whole lot more enjoyable....now tell me you don't agree!

I Cried My Last Tear Yesterday

Last night, I got home from my first job tired and irritated, but I couldn't go to sleep. I had to change my clothes and go right to my second job. All this working and going to school is fun, but it gets crazy sometimes, because you don't have time to even think on your own. This has been going on for about 6 months now, and yesterday, I hit BOILING POINT!!!!

First of all, before I even got into my job, I saw my ex "Gary" with some other little nasty somebody, and that was like STRIKE 1. Then, when I got into work, some lady called me stupid because I couldn't find her size....In my mind I was like "Bitch! Didn't nobody tell your fat ass to come in here lookin for your size." Soooo, I cried. I cried and I cried. I cried like a little BIATCH!I boohoo cried, right in front of that lady. I went into the back of the store and everyone was like "Oh my God, are you ok??? Oh my God!" I had the sympathy vote lol. Oh yea by the way that was STRIKE 2. So then my manager saw me crying and he was like "what's wrong?!" and dadadada so I told him what happened and he let me go home. THEN, "Gary" called me and was like, "let's hang out tonight. I was like, "No, why don't you stay with the guy I saw you with earlier?" and he was like "I wasn't with no guy earlier, what are you talking about?" STRIKE 3. I hung up the phone!! Don't fuckin lie! So needless to say, I cried some more, and laid in my own misery until about 7:30 when my friend Zurich called.

When I answered, he immediately noticed the change in my voice and was like "what's wrong with you" and I was like "just a lot of stuff goin on" and he was like "ok i'm coming over now". So he came over and my mood was immediately changed because at 8:00 American Idol came on...What!? I was DYIN'!!!!!!!!

Now, let me just say I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to watch the season premier and get sucked into the foolishness of the horrible contestants. But....I guess I lied..I loved every minute of the horrible fools that just KNEW that they were the best thing to ever hit the American Idol stage. I know the people that watched it know what I'm talking about. My favorite was the girl with the braids and tie that couldn't seem to get Prince's "Kiss" together.

I am really happy to have friends like Zurich, that you can watch stupid mess with and just adjust your whole attitude. So, now I'm back to my old bubbly self and I'm happy about it, cuz now that I think about it, I'm like "bitch, get it together!" Here are some messy pix from American Idol (Seattle) last night.