Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Karma Is A....Well, You Know

Well, I haven't been kicked out yet, but I suppose you could say that my "Kick-Out Status" is still PENDING. But, my friends, there is light at the end of the tunnel, because my very good friend Karma and I had a conversation last night. I told her about my situation and she told me that it would be taken care of. Lo and behold, this morning I heard frantic shuffling in the house and it turns out....ha!!!!...teehee!!'re gonna love this!...My dad lost his keys!!! Now, to outsiders, that may seem like nothing, but you haven't seen my dad's keychain. He has more keys than a damn janitor! It's like those keys are his life, and I have NEVER in my 17 short years ever see him lose them. Oh well, hope he had a spare car key, cuz I don't know how he got to work. Hmm...just when I start to doubt the principle of the things that you do coming back around and biting you in the ass, this amazing "kismetic" universe shows just who's in control once again.

I thank all of you for your support! I just KNEW I could count on my "blogger family" as Cocoa Rican (yeah I found out how to do one-word link lol) so wittily put it. I count this whole situation as a learning experience, and I've already looked back on it, and laughed.

Ok so, You guys KNOW I couldn't leave you without some witty, dark, and crude humor so here goes!!! I once again found myself in the assitant principal's office this morning ::SURPRISE!!!!:: I'm starting to not like all these excursions to his office, but hell, what can I do? So basically, it was one of those "you're not in trouble, but..." conversations. He basically wanted to tell me that he noticed a change in me and he didn't think that it was one for the best. Of course he was saying this stuff as politically as he possibly could as not to brush me the wrong way, and then have me break his neck and leave him for dead in his office. What was supposed to be inspirational, actually turned out to be boring and slow, and eventually I was just sitting there watching him as he talked about absolutely nothing. That is until he hit the point of the inevitably clear "sexual orientation" issue.

He was like, "You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but are you something other than heterosexual?" I was like "Ummm... 'scuse me but what does that have to do with anything that we're talking about?" So then he was like "Well one of your teachers seems to believe that you're skipping her class to go have sex. Now, I know that it's normal for 17 year olds to have sex, but if you're really doing that, it can wait until 10:20 when you get out of school...blah blah blah." I was like "I'm not having sex, so if there's nothing else, I will not be late to school anymore, nor will I skip class to "go have sex". He wasn't satisfied, but what else was there to be said??? On my way out of the office, the all familiar tune from Mr. Chris Bridges came into my head "My business my businass, stay the F**K up out my businass, cuz these bitches all up in my s**t and it's my business, my businass, stay the F**K up out my businass, cuz it's mine all mine!!" much as I wanted to be offended by his petty questioning, I just couldn't be. It seems like there are so much more I could be worried about like, going to work and getting paid, or wondering where I'm gonna go if I do in fact get kicked out of my house, or ::teehee:: laughing at my dad cuz that bastard lost his keys!!!! LMAO!!! You know I couldn't resist. And...out of all of this....look at my face! I am NOT FAZED!!!!!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

If Jesus Walks With Kanye, Why Isn't He Walking With Me?

Ok so, yeah mind is kinda rattled today. Sunday, my parents ransacked my room while I wasn't in the house and "found" the following things:
  1. My Noah's Arc first season DVDs
  2. My vibrator (Victor)
  3. My Click Magazines
  4. An email to an ex-friend explaining how upset with her I was that she betrayed me because I was gay.

Yeah so these items answered any questions that my parents would've ever had that I was a full blown homosexual...To say I'm embarrassed is an understatement. So as all Republicans would do if they found out that any of their family members were gay, they kicked me out! Luckily, though by some "divine intervention" or the lack thereof, I didn't get kicked out yet. My parents are still deciding on where if anywhere they want to send me for my "wrongdoings"...of course all the while they are spouting out "I Love You" and "You can come back when you change your mind." Yeah....right. I'm just glad they have no clue about my blog, because as it stands they don't know Jared, they know "Aaron", my alter-ego who shows himself at home and at church. (LOL, you know I only got an alter-ego when Beyonce' said she had one. Before then, I woulda thought the idea of that was just down right crazy!!) And yeah, if they were to read my blog, they wouldn't even let me get out of the house, I'd be BURNED AT THE STAKE at the altar in church while the deacons and ushers looked on in "dignified justification".

So, my question is, if Jesus can walk with Kanye (a nasty spoiled non-award winning tantrum having ass brat) why can't he walk with Jared too(a sexy, stylish, sometimes tantrum having, homo)?????

But anyway, 2 months and 10 days until I am considered an adult, and I am let loose on the world. If I am kicked out, I will NOT let it break me. You all will see me rise to the occasion and kick ass in true Jared form. If you pray, think of me, and ask God why he's letting people who are supposed to love him so much give their offspring over to the dogs!!! I ask him everyday. Oh yea and pray for Darian (, he and his family are mourning the loss of one of his 18 year old family members who was shot and killed this past weekend. It almost makes me not want to complain, just because some people my age aren't even alive to be kicked out of their house!!

Oh yea and can somebody in this big blog world PLEASE tell me how to make a one-word link, I hate having to type the whole address. Oh yea my big sister Jennifer won her first Oscar. My parents had a party for her, but I was to busy packing all my clothes to get out of my house, so sorry Jen, but I'm glad you won lol.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Random Fridays

Hey is Friday yet again. This week has been pretty good for me, but I don't think anybody in the world is ready for the weekend to come more than I do. I was gonna write a blog today about a certain blogger, but I'm not gonna do it, and plus I love him so I wouldn't throw shade at him even though he did it to me lol!!!! So goes.
  • My damn job is getting on my NERVES!!!! My boss is trying a new program and he's giving me more work to do. As if I don't have enough already. I tell ya, there are not enough hours in a day!! Well yeah there are, because if we had more, I'd probably be spending them sleeping.
  • The wind was blowing so hard here in Maryland, that signs were being bent over and shit! What is that?!
  • My little brother plays JV basketball at his school. His team's been undefeated all season and today is his championship game. Aaaahh. I remember those days!
  • I am SOOO sick of those people that are saying that Fantasia's self-titled album that came out at the end of last year was over-produced. I heard that on the radio. I was like not true. That album was SOOOO clean, and I love it!!
  • I just got cussed out by a client....oh well. Gotta keep it professional.
  • Umm...I am not playin' witchall when I say do not get ice at fast food restaurants. Studies have proven that the water that is used to make the ice has more Hepatitis and E.Coli than the toilets. Plus, it was on Oprah, and you know if Oprah says no, you just shouldn't do it. When I go to fast-food restaurants, I seriously get no ice in my drinks!
  • Not to be vain, but when I got out of the car today and saw my ass in the reflection, I was like DAMN!!! Thank God for H&M jeans.
  • Oh yeah, I had a HUGE crush on this guy that went to my school last year, and he graduated. He was so FINE and like I got weak in the knees when he would walk by. But he was so damn conceited all the time. He just KNEW he was the shit. How about I saw him doing valet parking in the movies! HA! what a joke!
  • Darian posted something about the male version of the AKA fraternity. It was like super interesting to me! Check it out ( It's hot!
  • Ever since I had to read William Shakespeare's Hamlet for 1st semester English, I've been on this big Shakespeare trip. I'm reading Othello, but it's really not as interesting as the Sparknotes make it out to be.
  • FAFSA is such a blower. Them people are not trying to give me anything. I'm so making my own scholarship fund!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Crackin Up Laughin'

You guys had me CRACKIN up this morning when I read your comments on yesterday's post. Oh yeah, and in reference to Mr. Cocoa Rican's ( comment: "Like riding a bike, it'll take time and falling off (or in your case) getting impaled, can be painful at first."...Yeah, umm....I still can't ride a 2-wheeler, so uh, is that an indication of what lies ahead lol?! I have taken you guys's advice to heart, and I'm confident that when it does happen, it'll be something say the least. Oh yeah and to that anonymous person who left that comment talkin' bout some "you already got burned by one friend"...I have an idea on who you are, but I won't put you out there, just because that would be ignorant, wouldn't it?! hmm.

So besides all that, Leroy had a good laugh that post, and he assured me that I didn't owe him anything, and that if I didn't want to do it, I didn't have to.

Another thing that had me crackin' up laughin was this little girl that tried to say I sexually harrassed her. This was the little girl that stole my cell phone a couple weeks ago on the 6th...I wrote about her on my Random Tuesday post ( So, I get called to the office and the secretary's like, "Ms. Leatherbury (the assistant principal) will see you in just a minute, please sit down." So I'm like...oh damn what is going on. I NEVER get in trouble, and of course by this time I forgot I called that girl a slut and a whore and a bitch and all that other stuff. So then I go into the office and that girl is in there, and I was like oh shit here we go. So basically the principal dogged me out for calling that girl names and if I said anything else to her in that nature, sexual harrassment charges would be pressed. Ok whatever girl, don't use those damn scare tactics with me, I know better. Now, being the person I am, I didn't even bring the cell phone bandit incident up. I just resolved within myself to make her life hell!!! She ain't NEVA seen the fire like the one I'ma cause!!!

In other T, I was looking at the results of my SAT that I took on January 27th and I got a 1663. I was so mad at first cuz I was like FUCK the SAT I don't give a shit about that test anyway, but then my guidance counselor told me that that was a great score, so I was like, "Oh ok nevermind then! bad." So anyway, just wish me luck on that FIT acceptance letter, I've been calling there like CRAZY!!!

I guess that's it for me today..Peace and Love!!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A Sign From God?

[This blog is going to be explicit, sorry]. Ok so, I'm going to give you some history. I am a self-proclaimed bottom. I don't know why. Maybe because my first boyfriend/sexual experience was with a top, and it was just comfortable for me. My first sexual experience was with my last boyfriend, James, who was nicknamed Gary in my previous posts that involved him. So, yea umm....Me and James tried the penetration thing once...yea...not great! He wasn't big at all so I wasn't disappointed, because in the end it was going to have to go inside of me anyway. But it just felt like I was taking a shit the whole time, and needless to say, I wasn't too giddy to do it again. So we never did, and anyways soon after that he cheated on me with my ex-friend Steven. I digress, though.

So I'm with this new guy now-who I haven't said much about on here just because it's just too risky-and we've been dating for about a month now. Prior to me dating him, I bought myself a 6" vibrator (his name is Victor) because I knew the day would come where I would once again be faced with a decision to let my significant other put his penis in my ass, and I wanted to be prepared. I was satisfied with how the whole vibrator thing was working out...that is until I met my current boyfriend. His penis is like HUGE! Not only is it long but it is SO thick. I swear it growled at me when I first saw it.

A couple of weekends ago, me and my boyfriend (let's call him Leroy) tried to have sex and as soon as he put it in I was like "LEROY TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!". As embarrassed as I was, I wasn't about to sit up there and pretend that it was the most delightful thing in the world. I was so disappointed in myself because I was supposed to be "SUPER BOTTOM" and plus, with all my experience with Victor, I thought I was ready for the world. Now I feel bad because, I feel like I kinda owe it to Leroy to do what pleases him. I don't know, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I really need advice. Is this a sign from God that maybe I need to trade in my "hey gir" for "wassup niucca" and my snug fitting United Colors of Benetton jeans for their extremely baggy Roca Wear cousins???? HA yeah right! Umm...if anyone has any advice on what I should do about this PLEASE let me know lol...Here's some of the things I've heard...
  2. Lay on your stomach
  3. Loosen up before you begin
  4. Make your partner eat you out for 40 minutes (lol)
  5. Pray....

Monday, February 19, 2007

The T On My Weekend!

What's Up Kids!! Hope the weekend was as delicious as mine!! First of all, before I even get started, what's the T on Britney Spears cutting all her hair off? I was like girl, what are you doin with your life?? Now I am not one to judge, but DAMN! What was she thinking???!!!

Anyways....Ok so I also want to advise my brothers and sisters, never go out with someone you met on Myspace. I've already warned you. My best friend Kordale B thought he was doing something when he told me that he had met this "perfect guy" on that devil site, and I was not EVEN impressed. We all met at the mall, and he was kinda weird. To say he was a few fries short of a happy meal is an understatement. Sorry Kordale, maybe you'll take my advice and leave those crazy Myspace people alone, and in the meantime, get the shirt that says "You Looked Better on Myspace".

In other T, I was pleasantly surprised to see my big sister Jennifer on the cover of Vogue! She looks absolutely GORGEOUS!!! It's really amazing to see an African American on the cover of a magazine that stands for an industry that is so "whites only". I also saw her on the cover of Essence this weekend!

On Friday, I talked about my co-worker who wanted me to mentor her nephew, Matthew. I figured it was going to happen, but I didn't think that It woulda happened so soon! On Friday, I gave her my number to give to him and he called me Friday night. We had a good conversation, actually. We talked about boys of course and then we got into some deeper issues like what made him come out, and his sexual history. He's a very interesting kid, and we have a "date" on Tuesday, so I'll keep you posted about that.
I think that's it for me today, so until tomorrow, peace and blessings!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I'm Back!

Hey guys! Sorry about the brief unannounced sabbatical I took, but it was well spent. I got my head together and I actually got some well needed rest! It's snowing here in Baltimore, and it is nice to see the roads clear for once. Everybody's laid back and bundled up and it's actually kind of romantic. I haven't been up to much lately. Chillin' has been on my agenda for the last few days, and I have met that goal faithfully.

I think it was Friday that I heard that Anna Nicole Smith died....umm....yeah. What can I even say about that? Like, it was almost funny to me. I know that some may consider that disrespectful, but it was. Like, please don't sit up here and tell me you didn't chuckle when you heard the news. And then, the thing that makes it even funnier is the fact that everybody has their own little speculations on how she died. Oh well, I guess we'll see how this whole thing with her "Million Dollar Baby" turns out, cuz everybody and their momma are claiming to be that baby's daddy.

The Grammy Awards were great. I soaked up every minute of it! I know people are sick of the Oprah/Luda thing, but I thought it was kinda comical.

Valentine's Day was a SUPER let down, because I didn't get to spend it with my boo. The weather was HORRIBLE!!! Oh well, I didn't have to take my punk ass to work!!!

Ok so this blog has been in the works for like 3 days, so please excuse my randomness!

So this lady at my job (full-time) came into my cubicle earlier and was like "Can we have a talk?". When people say that, I always get nervous because it usually follows the following statements:

I don't think it's gonna work out.
It's not you, it's me.
You're in trouble.
I'm sorry to tell you this but,....

So anyway, she asked me if we could talk and I was like sure. She says, "My 15 year old nephew just came out to the family, and although we're not mad, we don't know how to handle it. Plus, he's just as confused as we are about the whole thing. Would you consider mentoring him?"

At first, I was like...ME?! YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR NEPHEW'S EXAMPLE ON LIVING GAY LIFE?! WHY?! But, after thinking about it more, I'm like why not?? I mean sure, my life is less than perfect, but whose is? Especially for homos these days. There's ALWAYS some drama. I've always wanted to help out younger homosexuals, because it would be so nice to see some of them that don't make the same mistakes that I have. Being black and gay has been a struggle, but hey, Destiny's Child already told y'all, "I'm a survivor!" I'll definitely keep you guys posted on that, and I'll be asking for your advice on stuff too, cuz I DEFINITELY don't have all the answers. I probably don't have any answers as it stands lol.

In less thought provoking news, I got my first tattoo! It's peeling right now though...yuck! lol.

Anyway I guess that's it for me!!! MUCH LOVE AND PEACE!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Random Tuesday??!!

I umm...yea. My mind is all over the place today, so I was just like fugg it, today is gonna be a random Tuesday! lol.

  • Baltimore is CRAZY COLD! Why is it like 8 degrees????!!!

  • Oh yeah, Trent (my 25 year old husband) from has informed me that tomorrow's Witty Wednesday is gonna be a HOT check it out

  • Somebody stole my cell phone in my class today and I had to WRECK SHOP to find out who stole it. This little white girl was like, "oh I'm sorry, I thought it was mine!" Bitch you lyin', you don't have no rainbow RAZR! She almost got cut just for lyin!

  • I have a Valentine this year!!!! YAAAAAY!!!!

  • Graduation and prom are around the corner and I am NOT prepared!

  • I always forget to shout Mekhi Phifer out when I talk about all of the fine men in my life, so Mekhi, this is a personal and public apology.

  • I feel like shit today!

  • Are there any good movies out? cuz I don't have to work this weekend and I'm going to be in front of somebody's silver screen! I just don't know what to see.

  • Jump-Off #1 hasn't called me since I broke our date last weekend....that bastard! Oh well. My Valentine crushed him anyways!

  • I feel like this today.....

I PROMISE....tomorrow's blog is gonna be so much better than today's! I feel a mess. A lot is going on right now in my homosexual little mind, and I need to get myself together. Pray for me!

Monday, February 5, 2007

Writer's Block

I got some stupid writer's block today because I can't tell you guys what I want to tell you, and it would be stupid to do so....Sooooo, I'll see you guys tomorrow when I'll have some fresh T to dish to you guys...Until then, hugs and kisses, peace and love!!!!!!

Friday, February 2, 2007

Random Fridays

I don't know....this week has been the most trying week of 2007, and it probably will be for a very long time. I lost some friends, but what I gained was a gabillion times better than that. Alot of people at my part-time job are really trying me, and probably will continue to do so in the coming weeks, but hell, I'm Jared, so deal with it bitches. Like Mr. Trent Jackson ( says: "Wear all black to block out the shade!" And that's exactly what I intend to do in the coming days! But anyway, this is not a sad blog, I'm actually very happy with how I'm handling myself. I'm not gonna say that I've been professional or even nice about everything, but as I said, I'm Jared, so deal with it bitches! I think I'm gonna do a Random Friday post every Friday, because Fridays are always so random and unorganized, so here are my thoughts!
  • Last night, I watched Beyonce's DejaVu music video, and I fell in love with her ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
  • Did y'all see Fantasia at Aretha Franklin's tribute??!! I fell OUT! She just lays me out everytime I see her!
  • Did ya'll see Fantasia at The Celebration of Gospel??!! I fell OUT! She just lays me out everytime I see her!
  • Did y'all see Aretha Franklin at her own tribute? Umm....a mess! Now I know she's the queen and all, but the queen needs to get some new advisors. She looked a hot Big Bird mess. Why the hell did she have all those feathers on like that? She couldn't even move. Somebody needs to tell her about herself. Stevie Wonder dresses better than her......and he's blind!!!!
  • Now I know this is an old topic, but I still can't get off of it. Can they PLEASE bring Toni Childs back to Girlfriends...oh yeah and Maya's son Jabari! He got really fine! I was like where did he come from all of a sudden!!!???
  • I'm really concerned about the end result of Brandy's whole manslaughter charge...I'm guessing that any outcome isn't gonna be good though.
  • I am so ready to see Daddy's Girls on Valentine's Day....mmm...that damn Idris Elba....DAMN!! sexy!
  • Have you noticed that in ALL of Tlyer Perry's productions, there has been a fine men in like every single one?! Idris Elba, Boris Kodjoe, Blair Underwood, Ryan Gentles...hmm..just seems a little suspicious to me....mmmhmm.
  • I saw Jackass 2 this was like triflin, disgusting, and HILARIOUS all rolled into one DVD...I was feeling all kinds of emotions when I watched that movie!
  • I heard that Paris Bennett from American Idol Season 5 is coming out with an album soon...interesting!! I'm gonna get it!
  • Even though I'm still sad that Noah's Arc is not coming back to TV, I have faith that Patrik-Ian Polk go IN on the Season 2 DVD...I'm so looking forward to it!
  • I'm wearing my "I LOVE MY FANS" T-shirt to work tomorrow. I think it will be appropriate since I have so many of them there....hell I think I might just wear it today...hmm...
  • I think I'm gonna stop, cuz if I don't, I'm gonna start telling ALL my business. So, have a LOVELY and DELIGHTFUL weekend and as Patrik-Ian Polk says: "Stay positive (in life) and negative (in sexual practice)."