Thursday, March 22, 2007

I Was Addicted To It, But I Didn't Know It Was Toxic

Yesterday, was a good day for me surprisingly enough...that is until I went to Popeye's. Now first let me say, I LOVE POPEYE'S!!!!! I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!!! I was so excited when I got a coupon book from them, I didn't know what to do. So anyways, I got a coupon for a free 3 piece meal and I hopped on it! I wouldn't dare let it go to waste. So I get to Popeye's (this is at like 3:00 pm mind you) and I order my 3 piece and give the girl the coupon, and get my food, and push. No sooner did I get out of the parking lot did I start destroying what was once a beautiful piece of golden-brown greasy chicken....hmmm.....

At about 7, I was running to the bathroom nonstop doing some very "unlady-like" things, which I won't go into. I am convinced that I have food poisoning....that DAMN POPEYE'S....They are gonna pay for this. You BETTER believe that when I feel like getting up long enough to do anything besides use the bathroom, I am calling their 1800 number to complain. Now of course all they're gonna do is send me a letter of apology, and of course some more coupons (which would just start the whole cycle over again) but I just won't go to that one next time lol!

How about that American Idol last night?! seems like Sanjaya's little rocked out performance kept him above par, and he's on for another week. Oh yeah and at Cocoa Rican..I will not take the bait on that little snide remark you left on my last post....I know Sanjaya's beautiful, but American Idol is not a beauty pageant now is it? If that was the case, Lakisha, Melinda, and Chris would be gone and the very gorgeous Stephanie would still be gracing my television with her well permed hair! But yeah, Sanjaya is hot. We all know it. We all want him...well maybe not as much as you, cuz I don't turn the TV down and jack off when I see him. American Idol is a family show!!!!

Joey B...get in contact with me...we need to paint the town pink on my birthday you hear?! (!

Later people,
I love you...time to get back to my post, which at the current time is leaning over the toilet! Muah!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Morgan State University

I went to Morgan State University today to pay my application fee and speak with an admissions advisor. I was really excited because, despite all of these acceptance letters that I'm getting, Morgan is really want to go. So anyway, I was talking to Mrs. Donovan and she was telling me about how their school was one of the premier schools in Maryland because their computer labs were super updated, their dorms were spacious, their student-teacher ratio was 17:1, and their cafe was ran by a chef that graduated from Le Cordon Bleu...blah blah blah...

Ok so why did I see my friend Amanda in the admissions lobby withdrawing herself from Morgan? First of all, I haven't seen her since last year's graduation, and I didn't even know she was going to this was a pleasant surprise. When I asked her what she was doing, and she told me that she was withdrawing herself, I was even more surprised at her reason...and this surprise wasn't pleasant.

She said that the American Red Cross came to Morgan last week and did a blood drive, and she was on the committee. She said that one of the representatives from the Red Cross said that they never wanted to come back to Morgan because out of all of the people that signed up to give blood, 36% of them tested positive for HIV....and more than half of the people that signed up were male....As Maya from Girlfriends would say..."OH HELL NO!!!!!"

Ok so that's really triflin', but what's more triflin' than that is the fact that I still want to go there LMAO!!!! And anyways, I don't have nothin' to worry about. I'm not gonna be bonin' anybody on campus....I love Leroy too much for that lol...."shameless plug"!

But so anyway, I'ma go now cuz that sorry ass Sanjaya is bout to sing...LATA GIR!!!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Hey Guys

Hey guys! How's everything?! Let me first just say I have become the master of deleting histories and cookies lol. But anyway, what's goin on? Things on this end of the world are really lookin up! I finally payed that damn $900 cell phone bill, and it's finally starting to hit me that my time in this house is finally coming to a close. While my parents are walking on eggshells and having "nervous breakdowns" about what I'm gonna do once I turn grown and sexy, and I'm laughin' all the way to the graduation stage! But anyways...

Why in the FUCK did this girl yell out faggot in the hallway this morning and get cussed out?! Ok so, school starts at 7:15 so naturally I'm tired. And when I'm tired, I hear things lol, but I KNOW I wasn't hearing shit when I heard faggot just tumble out of her damn mouth! So me being the queeny girl I am in the morning, I turned the hell around and was like, "girl, what you say?" and she was like "I just said faggot, what's the problem, are you one?" I was like "HELL YEAH and you might just get your shit broken off for tryin' it with me hunny!" and then she was like "Yeah, whatever, I'll whoop your ass and then get my brother to whoop your ass!" OOOHHH GIRL WHAT!?!? I was like "Girl, when I fuck you up, it's gonna be really sad, and you can get your damn brother, I don't give a fuck. And when I fight, I don't fight clean, I fight DIRTY. SOOO expect to get cut and tazed...bitch!" By this time, a crowd had ensued, and they was all shocked that it was only 7:20 and somebody had already gotten cussed out....DAMN!!! This is why I don't deal with people...shit. But come June 10, 2007. I will be giving Meade Senior High School the deuces...eternally!

Why the hell am I just now watching I Love New York? Let me tell you, I do not love New York. She looks like a sick drag queen and her makeup is horrible. And did you see her mother?! Damn! She looks like Satan from "The Passion of the Christ"!! But that nig Real...he could get it!!!

If Sanjaya lasts another week, I'll murder myself.

That lady Robin Antin from that PussyCat Dolls show is FRESH out of the Botox Factory!

I'm done now I think, but I just want to let you guys know that when I come back blogging on the regular tip, I am re-vamping this whole shit. Be prepared to see Jared in rare form!

Peace and Hair Grease!

Friday, March 16, 2007

It's Friday

Hey guys,
It's Friday, and as another week comes to a close, I look back on my 17th year of life in bittersweetness. I wish that life didn't have to be like this, but it is what it is.

But anyway, enough of that foolishness. I got accepted to Coppin State University today!!! I'm like super ecstatic!!! I don't even know what else to say today! Except, I'm doing really well. My parents are really excited that I'm getting into all of these schools. We're kinda sorta making ground.

Hmm...Prom is on its way and I'm super excited about it!!!

Oh yeah and Cocoa Rican, you are nasty as hell for that comment you left on my last post lol. I'm just glad to know that I'm not the only one that uses KY heating gel!!! Let me know when you get to the district!!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


Hey you guys! I guess I'm doing alright considering the circumstances. I'm sitting here at the computer at home and I'm supposed to be writing my 1000 word verisimilitude (look it up hoes) on the 1994 Rwandan genocide that killed more that half a million people, when in all actuality I'm writing a post..tahdah bitches! I told you I wouldn't be a stranger.

Anyways, I just got done watching American Idol and the good news is, I'll get to see more of my little bottom boyfriend Sanjaya next week!!! It's gotta be really depressing to the contestants with talent to see that some kid with no talent is cleaning up week after week. Oh well, I enjoy seeing him.

In other t, I just applied to Clark Atlanta University...Gay Black Mecca here I come lol.

I know you guys are all dying to find out what's going on with the parents...hmm, what can I say? They have turned my whole sexual orientation thing into a "supernatural issue"... Apparantly, my "homoness" is the devil's tool to destroy my entire family....hypocrites....they didn't say that to Uncle Rico (hey Uncle Rico gir!). But anyway, I'm still left high and dry with a wet unemployed pussy, and I'm in the house everyday watching reruns of Girlfriends and that sick PussyCat Dolls show. Pray for me girls, I'm gonna need it.

I miss you guys...hey Trent, I love you. Steven, thank you for not returning my damn emails lol. Joey...hey gir, muah! Cocoa Rican, HEEEEEYY!!!!

Friday, March 9, 2007

Friday Finale...Sort of

Ok so, I usually write my blogs at work, and ever since this whole dramatic season of my life came about, my job has been in jeopardy. Well, it's finally come to an end lol. My parents are making me quit my job at the very prestigious State Farm Insurance company, because they have "trust issues". Therefore, this might (I said MIGHT) be my last post for a little while...Or at least until I figure out how I'm gonna post regularly. Yes, I have a computer at home, but I'm not gonna even attempt to write my "GAY BLOG" in my Christian home...that's all I need, for my parents to find my blog lol...wouldn't that be some shit?! That being said, I won't have my StateFarm email address anymore, so if you want any contact with me, you'll have to email me at (j underscore shanlin @ But it's ok. I'm not gonna let you guys down, and more than that, I'm not gonna let myself down. This blog has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. It has been an outlet that has kept me sane in insane circumstances. And not only that, I have come in contact with some awesome people and I have found out what it means to be a true "Power Gay" lol. Anywho, this is not a sad post at all, cuz as I've said, I SHALL find a way to still post on here...I already have some ideas. So don't delete me out of your favorites yet lol.

So anyway, now that that's out of the way, let's talk about American Idol last night! WTF is going on?! First of all, my fiance' Jared Cotter got cut...I'm ok though. At least he'll be able to spend time with me at home now! But we all know the real nail biter was between the "Sexy non-singin Sanjaya" and the "Singin', not so sexy Sundance". I just KNEW with all my heart that Sanjaya (as cute as he may be) was going home. NOT SO!! It was shocking, but hey I don't care. Just as long as Melinda or Lakisha don't get sent off.

Anyways, I think that's it for right now anyway. If anything comes up during the day, I'll write again, but until next time, love happiness peace and blessings!!!!! Love Jared!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007


Ummm..yea, yesterday I said that I got my phone taken away Saturday, but in all reality, I should've probably got it taken away sooner than that lol. Yesterday when I got off of work I got home and my dad was sitting on the loveseat in the living room with the phone bill in his hand and he looked pissed!!! I was like "OH SHIT here we go!" So I didn't even get in the door good before he was like, "Do you know how much the phone bill is for the last 2 months?" and I was like "No". I knew I had went over, because of the hours I had spent talking to Leroy during on-peak hours lol. But....I had no idea I had went over $900 worth!!! Now, I should've known that this was on the horizon, because Leroy told me last week that his bill was $1000 and I was thinkin' "Bitch, who in the hell are you talking to that much that your bill is $1000?"..LOL, Now I know! I liked at the call records and the majority of the calls were to or from him! I'm not mad though, I guess I'll just have pay up. As much as I wanted to be serious, I couldn't, I just laughed!! It was hilarious to me that my dad was so mad over a bill that he didn't have to pay for! I swear that man is gonna give himself a heart attack! Oh yea, still hasn't found his keys!! teehee!!

In other T, I GOT ACCEPTED TO UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND EASTERN SHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That acceptance letter is my 1-way ticket out of my house! Y'all just don't understand how elated I am! And guess parents still don't know. I didn't want to tell them while there was still tension between us. I'll tell them when we are back on the up and up. So yeah, when I opened that letter and read its contents, I jumped up and down on my bed, and queened out to Beautifal Liar and Get It Out Me, and anything else my iPod threw at me!!! I've kinda given up hope that FIT will send me a letter with a similar message, but if it does come, I'll be queenin out again!

2 days and 3 months people!
Hola to my new readers...I love you people!

Queer Kid, That Dude Right There, Joey, Trent....hey gir!

Monday, March 5, 2007

My Weekend....

By the tone of the post I wrote Friday, you guys could probably tell that I was in an upbeat mood. And I was. But not so when I got home!!! I don't know, something just made me upset when I crossed the line from outside world, to my house. I was SOOO depressed all Friday. I texted Leroy and told him to have a good day at work, and then I turned my phone off for the rest of the night. I just laid in my bed in complete silence, all night. No iPod, no TV, no books, just silence. I didn't cry, I didn't think, I didn't sing, I didn't laugh, I just laid there. My mom came in my room a few times to ask me if I was hungry, and to make sure I didn't kill myself. But I uttered not a word.

It wasn't until Saturday morning at around 10 am that I said to myself, "Jared, what the hell is wrong with you? Get the hell up and do something with yourself. You're hungry and frankly sweetheart, you need to take a shower. Now don't let me have to ask twice!" So...I got up, washed my ass, put on some "play clothes" and finished reading Waiting To Exhale by Terry McMillan (great book by the way). I called Queer Kid, and we talked for a couple hours. I talked to Leroy for a couple hours. I even showed my face to the family and made a sandwich! It was boring around the house though. There wasn't shit to do, so I decided to play my brother in a little Street Vol. 3 on Playstation 2 and show him who was the boss. That got a little addictive though, and when I finally looked at the clock it was like 9:30. I called Leroy and had him on the Bluetooth while I played Playstation. That's when my good day came to an end. My dad came in my room and was like, "What are you doing?" So I was like "Playin' video games." So then he was like "Give me your phone."...that was SOO unexpected, so I just gave it to him. In retrospect, he didn't buy me that phone and I pay my own bill, so I shouldn't have given it to him...too late now I guess. But anyway, I was like "Leroy, I gotta go, I'll call you back later" and then I hung up and gave my dad my phone. I was SOO pissed that I just unplugged the Playstation and went to sleep in my clothes. As I tried to get some sleep, I said to myself "Jared, you need to get out of this house. I don't know how, but bitch you need to think of somethin'. Your parents are crazy as hell, and another thing--" That's when my dad came back in the room and was like "I just talked to that Leroy Johnson person and I told him that if he ever had conversation with you, I will have him arrested"....WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!???? So that's when I was back to my depression induced stupor. I was so upset. I didn't cry though.

So then I woke up Sunday morning, actually feeling refreshed. As I was getting dressed for church, I put on my iPod and I was ROCKIN' in my pink boxer briefs, you hear me?! But then Rainy Dayz by Ja Rule ft. Mary J. Blige came on and I just broke the hell down. Like I cried. At first it was just one of those 2 tear cries, but then it turned into an all out boohoo, snot runnin', loud, eyes red and puffy, funeral cries. I was SO defeated. My mom came in and saw me like that and attempted to hug me, but I would not be consoled. I was thinkin' "BITCH you're the one that put me in this predicament!" But I just let her do the mother thing, and tried to get myself together before I had to go to church. I was fine on the way there, and fine on the walk into the church, but then I broke down yet again, as soon as I got in there. Oh Lord, big mistake....all the church members wanted to hug me and tell me that it was bitch, it's not! So anyways, as church progressed, I got better and I slickly got out of church and called Leroy, and told him what happened, and that I loved him, and I would call him back as soon as shit cleared up.....COMMERCIAL BREAK: I love you Leroy.....Ok so anyway yeah, church let out and I went home and got BACK in the bed and the next time I saw the light of day was this umm....ta da!!! Here I am, lol.

So anyway, my parents have blown me to the point of no return andI don't know what I'm gonna do about my situation as of yet....but for Cocoa Rican's sake and for my own, I'm still smilin'! On a lighter note, one of my best friends, Valarie, saw Paris Bennett (American Idol Season 5) in concert on Saturday, and she thought about me! She not only got Paris's autograph for me, but she called me and put Paris on the phone!!! Let me just say, I am a star-struck BIATCH!!!! This is how our conversation went:

"Hi Jared"
"Oh my God, Paris I LOVE you to pieces! I can't believe I'm talking to you!"
"Thank you so much"
Then she put Valarie back on the phone...I was like, "Bitch, that's all I get?" But I am grateful nonetheless! Thanks a million you lots gir!

Anyway let me go, before I start cryin again and my tears get in my keyboard and short circuit the whole damn computer lol!!!! Just kidding, have a lovely Monday.

LOL...oh yeah, my dad still hasn't found his keys!! hahahaha what a loser! lol.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Just for Cocoa Rican

Dear Mr. Rican,
I read your comment in regards to my BALLIN post. You said "Yeah... we like to see you smilin'... come to think of it it's the first time we've seen you smile - PERIOD!". I was kinda disappointed in myself, because I don't want to portray myself as this mean, world-hating bottom. So, as I sometimes do, I went back through my archives and found pictures of me smiling!!! I am such a happy go lucky person and I want that to be prevalent over my stupid drama. So here are the links to those posts in which I am smiling, just for you pa!!!!!

Thanks for supporting my blog every day Mr. Rican

Love, Jared!!! xoxoxo

Random Fridays

I am so excited about the forth-coming weekend. This week just sped past me. It seems like just yesterday, I was packing up my shit and was on my way out! Well, if you've been reading my previous posts, you'll know that things have gotten a little better, and I'm almost out of the tunnel, and into the LIGHT!!! Anyways, I'm SOOO over that, so kick back, relax, and enjoy my random ass for a few minutes.

  • So I had a "sitcom-y" experience today. I guess that's not uncommon for me, but anyway. So, there's this one new guy that is in 2 of my classes, and I swore he had been staring at me for the last couple days, but whenever I looked at him he would turn away. I had one word for him: TRADE! So there's this guy named Marvin that has been hitting on me all year, but he always gets the same answer time after time, so I don't understand why he just doesn't take the "NO, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" and just leave me the hell alone. Well I guess Mr. Trade New Guy took notice of this everyday occurrence and decided to be a hero today. Marvin, came in for his usual "hey, when are you gonna let me show you how a real man takes care of his business?" and that's when Mr. Trade New Guy came around the corner and put his arm around my shoulder and said "When his boyfriend says so, and since I'm not gonna say so, you might as well get out of here." Marvin got the hell out of my face and that just left me and Mr. Trade New Guy. I thanked him, but I guess he was upset when I walked away. What was left to say?! I have a boyfriend, I love my Leroy, yep yep I love you boy! Hopefully, Marvin won't be around much anymore.
  • I am LIVING for my cousin Beyonce's new videos for Beautiful Liar and Upgrade U!!! She doesn't have to take a rest until she feels like it, cuz I don't get tired of seeing her!
  • I want another tattoo
  • That girl Lakiesha Jones on American Idol lives in Ft. Meade which is 5 minutes away from me!
  • I miss Noah's Arc!!!!!!!!!
  • I love my mother Fantasia and the fact that she's going to be on Broadway, but umm ::cough:: I know that I can't be the only one concerned about her acting skills. I mean did you see her Lifetime movie?! NO SHADE though!
  • 2 months and 7 days until my B'Day!!!
  • I'm done for right now. Enjoy your weekends! Love, happiness, peace, and blessings!!!

Thursday, March 1, 2007


We stay high, no lie, you want it, BALLIN!!!!! I don't know why, but that just came to mind! I actually don't care for that song, but it's one of those songs that you hear from people around the way, your teachers, even your little 8 year old sister! But anyways...that has nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about today, hell, I don't know what I want to talk about today. Just bear with my randomness for a moment and something will come to me!

Both of my tattoos are itching and I ran out of that ointmen--

Hey wait! I just thought of something!! Things at the home-front are getting a little better. I actually had a decent conversation with my parents last night, and it didn't involve cursing, crying, kick-out threats, or...crying! Basically, they had stupid straight people questions and then my dad had a question that pissed me off, but I'll get to that in a minute. But yeah, so they were like: "Why are you gay?", and "Was it something that we did to make you like this?", "Are you happy?". I was totally looking at them like they were full of shit, because last year I wrote about my parents having their speculations about me being gay and sent me to the "spectacular" Richard Cohen...."counselor extraodinaire". Hmm...that didn't last long. But I digress. Back to the question my dad asked. He pulled me to the side because he "didn't want to disappoint my mom". He was like, "I know you're probably having sex, but are you letting whoever it is screw you?" I was like TOTALLY DUMBFOUNDED. That was super embarrassing. I didn't know what to say! So I simply told him no and that was the end of that. As it stands right now, I probably won't get kicked out, (and should've never been nervous and anxious enough to believe that I ever would be) but I have to be on my Ps and Qs for the next 2 months and 8 days!...

Which brings me to my next point. My BIRTHDAY! That big 1-8! I am super excited about it, but I don't know what I want to do. But what I DO know is, if me and Leroy are still together...hmm, trust and believe! "Meet me in my room, it's goin' DOWN!!!" You know what I'm just gonna end this post right now cuz 1) I'm gettin' hot and bothered, and 2) I gotta keep some random shit in the air for tomorrow's random Friday...duh.

See you guys tomorrow...xoxoxo

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Karma Is A....Well, You Know

Well, I haven't been kicked out yet, but I suppose you could say that my "Kick-Out Status" is still PENDING. But, my friends, there is light at the end of the tunnel, because my very good friend Karma and I had a conversation last night. I told her about my situation and she told me that it would be taken care of. Lo and behold, this morning I heard frantic shuffling in the house and it turns out....ha!!!!...teehee!!'re gonna love this!...My dad lost his keys!!! Now, to outsiders, that may seem like nothing, but you haven't seen my dad's keychain. He has more keys than a damn janitor! It's like those keys are his life, and I have NEVER in my 17 short years ever see him lose them. Oh well, hope he had a spare car key, cuz I don't know how he got to work. Hmm...just when I start to doubt the principle of the things that you do coming back around and biting you in the ass, this amazing "kismetic" universe shows just who's in control once again.

I thank all of you for your support! I just KNEW I could count on my "blogger family" as Cocoa Rican (yeah I found out how to do one-word link lol) so wittily put it. I count this whole situation as a learning experience, and I've already looked back on it, and laughed.

Ok so, You guys KNOW I couldn't leave you without some witty, dark, and crude humor so here goes!!! I once again found myself in the assitant principal's office this morning ::SURPRISE!!!!:: I'm starting to not like all these excursions to his office, but hell, what can I do? So basically, it was one of those "you're not in trouble, but..." conversations. He basically wanted to tell me that he noticed a change in me and he didn't think that it was one for the best. Of course he was saying this stuff as politically as he possibly could as not to brush me the wrong way, and then have me break his neck and leave him for dead in his office. What was supposed to be inspirational, actually turned out to be boring and slow, and eventually I was just sitting there watching him as he talked about absolutely nothing. That is until he hit the point of the inevitably clear "sexual orientation" issue.

He was like, "You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but are you something other than heterosexual?" I was like "Ummm... 'scuse me but what does that have to do with anything that we're talking about?" So then he was like "Well one of your teachers seems to believe that you're skipping her class to go have sex. Now, I know that it's normal for 17 year olds to have sex, but if you're really doing that, it can wait until 10:20 when you get out of school...blah blah blah." I was like "I'm not having sex, so if there's nothing else, I will not be late to school anymore, nor will I skip class to "go have sex". He wasn't satisfied, but what else was there to be said??? On my way out of the office, the all familiar tune from Mr. Chris Bridges came into my head "My business my businass, stay the F**K up out my businass, cuz these bitches all up in my s**t and it's my business, my businass, stay the F**K up out my businass, cuz it's mine all mine!!" much as I wanted to be offended by his petty questioning, I just couldn't be. It seems like there are so much more I could be worried about like, going to work and getting paid, or wondering where I'm gonna go if I do in fact get kicked out of my house, or ::teehee:: laughing at my dad cuz that bastard lost his keys!!!! LMAO!!! You know I couldn't resist. And...out of all of this....look at my face! I am NOT FAZED!!!!!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

If Jesus Walks With Kanye, Why Isn't He Walking With Me?

Ok so, yeah mind is kinda rattled today. Sunday, my parents ransacked my room while I wasn't in the house and "found" the following things:
  1. My Noah's Arc first season DVDs
  2. My vibrator (Victor)
  3. My Click Magazines
  4. An email to an ex-friend explaining how upset with her I was that she betrayed me because I was gay.

Yeah so these items answered any questions that my parents would've ever had that I was a full blown homosexual...To say I'm embarrassed is an understatement. So as all Republicans would do if they found out that any of their family members were gay, they kicked me out! Luckily, though by some "divine intervention" or the lack thereof, I didn't get kicked out yet. My parents are still deciding on where if anywhere they want to send me for my "wrongdoings"...of course all the while they are spouting out "I Love You" and "You can come back when you change your mind." Yeah....right. I'm just glad they have no clue about my blog, because as it stands they don't know Jared, they know "Aaron", my alter-ego who shows himself at home and at church. (LOL, you know I only got an alter-ego when Beyonce' said she had one. Before then, I woulda thought the idea of that was just down right crazy!!) And yeah, if they were to read my blog, they wouldn't even let me get out of the house, I'd be BURNED AT THE STAKE at the altar in church while the deacons and ushers looked on in "dignified justification".

So, my question is, if Jesus can walk with Kanye (a nasty spoiled non-award winning tantrum having ass brat) why can't he walk with Jared too(a sexy, stylish, sometimes tantrum having, homo)?????

But anyway, 2 months and 10 days until I am considered an adult, and I am let loose on the world. If I am kicked out, I will NOT let it break me. You all will see me rise to the occasion and kick ass in true Jared form. If you pray, think of me, and ask God why he's letting people who are supposed to love him so much give their offspring over to the dogs!!! I ask him everyday. Oh yea and pray for Darian (, he and his family are mourning the loss of one of his 18 year old family members who was shot and killed this past weekend. It almost makes me not want to complain, just because some people my age aren't even alive to be kicked out of their house!!

Oh yea and can somebody in this big blog world PLEASE tell me how to make a one-word link, I hate having to type the whole address. Oh yea my big sister Jennifer won her first Oscar. My parents had a party for her, but I was to busy packing all my clothes to get out of my house, so sorry Jen, but I'm glad you won lol.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Random Fridays

Hey is Friday yet again. This week has been pretty good for me, but I don't think anybody in the world is ready for the weekend to come more than I do. I was gonna write a blog today about a certain blogger, but I'm not gonna do it, and plus I love him so I wouldn't throw shade at him even though he did it to me lol!!!! So goes.
  • My damn job is getting on my NERVES!!!! My boss is trying a new program and he's giving me more work to do. As if I don't have enough already. I tell ya, there are not enough hours in a day!! Well yeah there are, because if we had more, I'd probably be spending them sleeping.
  • The wind was blowing so hard here in Maryland, that signs were being bent over and shit! What is that?!
  • My little brother plays JV basketball at his school. His team's been undefeated all season and today is his championship game. Aaaahh. I remember those days!
  • I am SOOO sick of those people that are saying that Fantasia's self-titled album that came out at the end of last year was over-produced. I heard that on the radio. I was like not true. That album was SOOOO clean, and I love it!!
  • I just got cussed out by a client....oh well. Gotta keep it professional.
  • Umm...I am not playin' witchall when I say do not get ice at fast food restaurants. Studies have proven that the water that is used to make the ice has more Hepatitis and E.Coli than the toilets. Plus, it was on Oprah, and you know if Oprah says no, you just shouldn't do it. When I go to fast-food restaurants, I seriously get no ice in my drinks!
  • Not to be vain, but when I got out of the car today and saw my ass in the reflection, I was like DAMN!!! Thank God for H&M jeans.
  • Oh yeah, I had a HUGE crush on this guy that went to my school last year, and he graduated. He was so FINE and like I got weak in the knees when he would walk by. But he was so damn conceited all the time. He just KNEW he was the shit. How about I saw him doing valet parking in the movies! HA! what a joke!
  • Darian posted something about the male version of the AKA fraternity. It was like super interesting to me! Check it out ( It's hot!
  • Ever since I had to read William Shakespeare's Hamlet for 1st semester English, I've been on this big Shakespeare trip. I'm reading Othello, but it's really not as interesting as the Sparknotes make it out to be.
  • FAFSA is such a blower. Them people are not trying to give me anything. I'm so making my own scholarship fund!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Crackin Up Laughin'

You guys had me CRACKIN up this morning when I read your comments on yesterday's post. Oh yeah, and in reference to Mr. Cocoa Rican's ( comment: "Like riding a bike, it'll take time and falling off (or in your case) getting impaled, can be painful at first."...Yeah, umm....I still can't ride a 2-wheeler, so uh, is that an indication of what lies ahead lol?! I have taken you guys's advice to heart, and I'm confident that when it does happen, it'll be something say the least. Oh yeah and to that anonymous person who left that comment talkin' bout some "you already got burned by one friend"...I have an idea on who you are, but I won't put you out there, just because that would be ignorant, wouldn't it?! hmm.

So besides all that, Leroy had a good laugh that post, and he assured me that I didn't owe him anything, and that if I didn't want to do it, I didn't have to.

Another thing that had me crackin' up laughin was this little girl that tried to say I sexually harrassed her. This was the little girl that stole my cell phone a couple weeks ago on the 6th...I wrote about her on my Random Tuesday post ( So, I get called to the office and the secretary's like, "Ms. Leatherbury (the assistant principal) will see you in just a minute, please sit down." So I'm like...oh damn what is going on. I NEVER get in trouble, and of course by this time I forgot I called that girl a slut and a whore and a bitch and all that other stuff. So then I go into the office and that girl is in there, and I was like oh shit here we go. So basically the principal dogged me out for calling that girl names and if I said anything else to her in that nature, sexual harrassment charges would be pressed. Ok whatever girl, don't use those damn scare tactics with me, I know better. Now, being the person I am, I didn't even bring the cell phone bandit incident up. I just resolved within myself to make her life hell!!! She ain't NEVA seen the fire like the one I'ma cause!!!

In other T, I was looking at the results of my SAT that I took on January 27th and I got a 1663. I was so mad at first cuz I was like FUCK the SAT I don't give a shit about that test anyway, but then my guidance counselor told me that that was a great score, so I was like, "Oh ok nevermind then! bad." So anyway, just wish me luck on that FIT acceptance letter, I've been calling there like CRAZY!!!

I guess that's it for me today..Peace and Love!!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A Sign From God?

[This blog is going to be explicit, sorry]. Ok so, I'm going to give you some history. I am a self-proclaimed bottom. I don't know why. Maybe because my first boyfriend/sexual experience was with a top, and it was just comfortable for me. My first sexual experience was with my last boyfriend, James, who was nicknamed Gary in my previous posts that involved him. So, yea umm....Me and James tried the penetration thing once...yea...not great! He wasn't big at all so I wasn't disappointed, because in the end it was going to have to go inside of me anyway. But it just felt like I was taking a shit the whole time, and needless to say, I wasn't too giddy to do it again. So we never did, and anyways soon after that he cheated on me with my ex-friend Steven. I digress, though.

So I'm with this new guy now-who I haven't said much about on here just because it's just too risky-and we've been dating for about a month now. Prior to me dating him, I bought myself a 6" vibrator (his name is Victor) because I knew the day would come where I would once again be faced with a decision to let my significant other put his penis in my ass, and I wanted to be prepared. I was satisfied with how the whole vibrator thing was working out...that is until I met my current boyfriend. His penis is like HUGE! Not only is it long but it is SO thick. I swear it growled at me when I first saw it.

A couple of weekends ago, me and my boyfriend (let's call him Leroy) tried to have sex and as soon as he put it in I was like "LEROY TAKE IT OUT!!!!!!!". As embarrassed as I was, I wasn't about to sit up there and pretend that it was the most delightful thing in the world. I was so disappointed in myself because I was supposed to be "SUPER BOTTOM" and plus, with all my experience with Victor, I thought I was ready for the world. Now I feel bad because, I feel like I kinda owe it to Leroy to do what pleases him. I don't know, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I really need advice. Is this a sign from God that maybe I need to trade in my "hey gir" for "wassup niucca" and my snug fitting United Colors of Benetton jeans for their extremely baggy Roca Wear cousins???? HA yeah right! Umm...if anyone has any advice on what I should do about this PLEASE let me know lol...Here's some of the things I've heard...
  2. Lay on your stomach
  3. Loosen up before you begin
  4. Make your partner eat you out for 40 minutes (lol)
  5. Pray....

Monday, February 19, 2007

The T On My Weekend!

What's Up Kids!! Hope the weekend was as delicious as mine!! First of all, before I even get started, what's the T on Britney Spears cutting all her hair off? I was like girl, what are you doin with your life?? Now I am not one to judge, but DAMN! What was she thinking???!!!

Anyways....Ok so I also want to advise my brothers and sisters, never go out with someone you met on Myspace. I've already warned you. My best friend Kordale B thought he was doing something when he told me that he had met this "perfect guy" on that devil site, and I was not EVEN impressed. We all met at the mall, and he was kinda weird. To say he was a few fries short of a happy meal is an understatement. Sorry Kordale, maybe you'll take my advice and leave those crazy Myspace people alone, and in the meantime, get the shirt that says "You Looked Better on Myspace".

In other T, I was pleasantly surprised to see my big sister Jennifer on the cover of Vogue! She looks absolutely GORGEOUS!!! It's really amazing to see an African American on the cover of a magazine that stands for an industry that is so "whites only". I also saw her on the cover of Essence this weekend!

On Friday, I talked about my co-worker who wanted me to mentor her nephew, Matthew. I figured it was going to happen, but I didn't think that It woulda happened so soon! On Friday, I gave her my number to give to him and he called me Friday night. We had a good conversation, actually. We talked about boys of course and then we got into some deeper issues like what made him come out, and his sexual history. He's a very interesting kid, and we have a "date" on Tuesday, so I'll keep you posted about that.
I think that's it for me today, so until tomorrow, peace and blessings!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I'm Back!

Hey guys! Sorry about the brief unannounced sabbatical I took, but it was well spent. I got my head together and I actually got some well needed rest! It's snowing here in Baltimore, and it is nice to see the roads clear for once. Everybody's laid back and bundled up and it's actually kind of romantic. I haven't been up to much lately. Chillin' has been on my agenda for the last few days, and I have met that goal faithfully.

I think it was Friday that I heard that Anna Nicole Smith died....umm....yeah. What can I even say about that? Like, it was almost funny to me. I know that some may consider that disrespectful, but it was. Like, please don't sit up here and tell me you didn't chuckle when you heard the news. And then, the thing that makes it even funnier is the fact that everybody has their own little speculations on how she died. Oh well, I guess we'll see how this whole thing with her "Million Dollar Baby" turns out, cuz everybody and their momma are claiming to be that baby's daddy.

The Grammy Awards were great. I soaked up every minute of it! I know people are sick of the Oprah/Luda thing, but I thought it was kinda comical.

Valentine's Day was a SUPER let down, because I didn't get to spend it with my boo. The weather was HORRIBLE!!! Oh well, I didn't have to take my punk ass to work!!!

Ok so this blog has been in the works for like 3 days, so please excuse my randomness!

So this lady at my job (full-time) came into my cubicle earlier and was like "Can we have a talk?". When people say that, I always get nervous because it usually follows the following statements:

I don't think it's gonna work out.
It's not you, it's me.
You're in trouble.
I'm sorry to tell you this but,....

So anyway, she asked me if we could talk and I was like sure. She says, "My 15 year old nephew just came out to the family, and although we're not mad, we don't know how to handle it. Plus, he's just as confused as we are about the whole thing. Would you consider mentoring him?"

At first, I was like...ME?! YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR NEPHEW'S EXAMPLE ON LIVING GAY LIFE?! WHY?! But, after thinking about it more, I'm like why not?? I mean sure, my life is less than perfect, but whose is? Especially for homos these days. There's ALWAYS some drama. I've always wanted to help out younger homosexuals, because it would be so nice to see some of them that don't make the same mistakes that I have. Being black and gay has been a struggle, but hey, Destiny's Child already told y'all, "I'm a survivor!" I'll definitely keep you guys posted on that, and I'll be asking for your advice on stuff too, cuz I DEFINITELY don't have all the answers. I probably don't have any answers as it stands lol.

In less thought provoking news, I got my first tattoo! It's peeling right now though...yuck! lol.

Anyway I guess that's it for me!!! MUCH LOVE AND PEACE!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Random Tuesday??!!

I umm...yea. My mind is all over the place today, so I was just like fugg it, today is gonna be a random Tuesday! lol.

  • Baltimore is CRAZY COLD! Why is it like 8 degrees????!!!

  • Oh yeah, Trent (my 25 year old husband) from has informed me that tomorrow's Witty Wednesday is gonna be a HOT check it out

  • Somebody stole my cell phone in my class today and I had to WRECK SHOP to find out who stole it. This little white girl was like, "oh I'm sorry, I thought it was mine!" Bitch you lyin', you don't have no rainbow RAZR! She almost got cut just for lyin!

  • I have a Valentine this year!!!! YAAAAAY!!!!

  • Graduation and prom are around the corner and I am NOT prepared!

  • I always forget to shout Mekhi Phifer out when I talk about all of the fine men in my life, so Mekhi, this is a personal and public apology.

  • I feel like shit today!

  • Are there any good movies out? cuz I don't have to work this weekend and I'm going to be in front of somebody's silver screen! I just don't know what to see.

  • Jump-Off #1 hasn't called me since I broke our date last weekend....that bastard! Oh well. My Valentine crushed him anyways!

  • I feel like this today.....

I PROMISE....tomorrow's blog is gonna be so much better than today's! I feel a mess. A lot is going on right now in my homosexual little mind, and I need to get myself together. Pray for me!

Monday, February 5, 2007

Writer's Block

I got some stupid writer's block today because I can't tell you guys what I want to tell you, and it would be stupid to do so....Sooooo, I'll see you guys tomorrow when I'll have some fresh T to dish to you guys...Until then, hugs and kisses, peace and love!!!!!!

Friday, February 2, 2007

Random Fridays

I don't know....this week has been the most trying week of 2007, and it probably will be for a very long time. I lost some friends, but what I gained was a gabillion times better than that. Alot of people at my part-time job are really trying me, and probably will continue to do so in the coming weeks, but hell, I'm Jared, so deal with it bitches. Like Mr. Trent Jackson ( says: "Wear all black to block out the shade!" And that's exactly what I intend to do in the coming days! But anyway, this is not a sad blog, I'm actually very happy with how I'm handling myself. I'm not gonna say that I've been professional or even nice about everything, but as I said, I'm Jared, so deal with it bitches! I think I'm gonna do a Random Friday post every Friday, because Fridays are always so random and unorganized, so here are my thoughts!
  • Last night, I watched Beyonce's DejaVu music video, and I fell in love with her ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
  • Did y'all see Fantasia at Aretha Franklin's tribute??!! I fell OUT! She just lays me out everytime I see her!
  • Did ya'll see Fantasia at The Celebration of Gospel??!! I fell OUT! She just lays me out everytime I see her!
  • Did y'all see Aretha Franklin at her own tribute? Umm....a mess! Now I know she's the queen and all, but the queen needs to get some new advisors. She looked a hot Big Bird mess. Why the hell did she have all those feathers on like that? She couldn't even move. Somebody needs to tell her about herself. Stevie Wonder dresses better than her......and he's blind!!!!
  • Now I know this is an old topic, but I still can't get off of it. Can they PLEASE bring Toni Childs back to Girlfriends...oh yeah and Maya's son Jabari! He got really fine! I was like where did he come from all of a sudden!!!???
  • I'm really concerned about the end result of Brandy's whole manslaughter charge...I'm guessing that any outcome isn't gonna be good though.
  • I am so ready to see Daddy's Girls on Valentine's Day....mmm...that damn Idris Elba....DAMN!! sexy!
  • Have you noticed that in ALL of Tlyer Perry's productions, there has been a fine men in like every single one?! Idris Elba, Boris Kodjoe, Blair Underwood, Ryan Gentles...hmm..just seems a little suspicious to me....mmmhmm.
  • I saw Jackass 2 this was like triflin, disgusting, and HILARIOUS all rolled into one DVD...I was feeling all kinds of emotions when I watched that movie!
  • I heard that Paris Bennett from American Idol Season 5 is coming out with an album soon...interesting!! I'm gonna get it!
  • Even though I'm still sad that Noah's Arc is not coming back to TV, I have faith that Patrik-Ian Polk go IN on the Season 2 DVD...I'm so looking forward to it!
  • I'm wearing my "I LOVE MY FANS" T-shirt to work tomorrow. I think it will be appropriate since I have so many of them there....hell I think I might just wear it today...hmm...
  • I think I'm gonna stop, cuz if I don't, I'm gonna start telling ALL my business. So, have a LOVELY and DELIGHTFUL weekend and as Patrik-Ian Polk says: "Stay positive (in life) and negative (in sexual practice)."

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Guess I Got Some 'Splainin To Do

I have received 7 e-mails questioning why I deleted the post I wrote yesterday. It's actually kind of funny...umm...A lot of drama ensued the events of Saturday night, and the people at my job were really trying me, so I figured, all I needed was for a big mouth person who doesn't really like me, to read my blog and spread my business. I had a lapse in judgement with that post, but I don't apologize, because I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was tell the truth and some people just can't seem to be able to handle the truth. You know who you are, and it doesn't matter, because I'm still doing me regardles...hoes (sorry I had to add that).

Ok so this is not a sad day for me, nor is it a sad blog. I am very...something...I don't know what I am, but I'm not sad or angry or anything of that nature. But, I'm also not really happy either...whatever.

So tell me why I got out of school today at my normal time (10:20 am) and I get ready to get in my car and go to work. Ok so, the whole story behind early release students is, if you have met all of your graduation requirements, you can leave early, but the only thing is, you have to either have a car and drive, or have a steady ride. Well, you know how it is, people always lie to get their way, so there are like 25 students who are early release and don't drive or have a ride, so they wait for the other kids that do drive to come out and they hustle a ride. I don't mind giving out rides to people I know and like, because I know how it feels to need a ride! But...when I don't know you, don't ask me for a ride...please and thanks. This girl Kristen that goes to my school is one of those people that I don't really care for, but she always seems to ask me for a ride. I usually whore her up, because she smells bad, and she's just triflin', but today I was in a good mood. So I gave her a ride or whatever, and mind you she lives 20 minutes away, but I still was in a good mood, so I didn't mind the drive....BUT OH NO!!! This bitch had the nerve to pop an E pill in my car! I didn't realize what it was at first, so I was like "what' s wrong you got a headache?" That bitch was like, "Oh no, this is X, do you want one?" I was like "FUCK NO, GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR, BITCH!" She thought it was a game, but oh was she heated when she found out I was serious...needless to say, I don't think she'll be asking me for a ride anymore. Sorry gir!

Oh yeah, thanks Patrik for the love...I almost fell out of my chair when I read your comment. I'm such a big fan of your work.

And thank you Tambi for holdin' me down in the rough patches...things are gettin really messy around the good GAP, but it'll be ok soon!!!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Random Fridays...

Yea so this week, I told you guys that I got rid of James ("Gary") and that Jump Off #3 was ELIMINATED! But, also, I was really, very disturbed to hear the news that Noah's Arc wouldn't be coming back to my flat screen TV or iTunes anymore, but to the silver screen in 2008....what a blower. I hope they at least put Season 2 on DVD. Regardless of what anyone said about the acting, wardrobe, storyline, or whatever, it is still one of my favorites shows. I mean I haven't rushed home to catch a TV show since Real World Philadelphia!
On a lighter note, I PASSED ALL MY FINALS!!!! I mean I really didn't have any doubt that I wouldn't, but it still feels good to know for sure! My english exam kicked my ass though. I was really callin' on GOD for that exam!
Also, I saw Stomp the Yard, and I must say, that although I really wasn't to excited to see it (I would've rather seen Dreamgirls) I still really enjoyed it. Here are my thoughts...
  • Ok so, I must admit, I was kinda throwin shade at Meagan Good earlier for her roles in all these "black productions", but to her defense, she did an awesome job. That still doesn't delete the fact that I want to see her win an Oscar in the future.
  • Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I went with my dad, and it was SOOO awkward when those sexy ass men had their shirts off...let's just say, my dad was lookin at me extra hard to see if I was starin at those bodies.......and I was
  • It was nice to see some of the people from RIZE on the different dance crews.
  • The storyline was was like "Your Drumline Got Served"....why was it like SUPER PREDICTABLE??
  • I almost cried when Chris Brown got shot. I don't care how fake it looked. I don't even LIKE Chris Brown
  • I LOVED the way Darrin Henson (Grant) kept getting whored OVER and OVER again!
  • Nathan Adams (Theta Stepper #9) was also on Noah's Arc Season 1. He played Dwayne. You guys remember Dwayne. He was the one that worked at Trade Analysis with Ricky and Noah and Alex bet Ricky $20 that he couldn't go without having sex with him. Needless to say, they did have sex, and it made for the HOTTEST sex scene on the whole season! If you haven't seen it, then you don't have Season 1 on DVD or you don't press the Enter button on your remote when the little palm tree comes up on your screen.....either circumstance, you need to get it together!

Ok so, I guess that's it for me. umm....yea, so don't forget to listen to Trent's show tonight. You can download it for iTunes or listen to it through his blog ( Peace and Love....have a lovely weekend!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Letter to the People

This is the 2nd Installment of Mr. QueerKid's ( column on my page. Once again, it is a very well written piece, so enjoy! Thanks Queer Kid!

Letter to the people

So, I have a bi-weekly column-ish type thing on Jared’s blog here. I’m glad he’s given me the opportunity to be able to write on his blog.

Now, I want to share with you all something dear to me. I never used this letter and no one has ever seen it before today. I wrote it on November 22nd 2005; when I was still discovering my love for writing and discovering my identity. From which things have changed. Again, although this letter was intended to be given out, I never gave it out. But here it is;

P.S. My writing sucks here and my grammar, so bare with me!

Everyday I wake up unhappy. Unhappy to move out of my bed, because I carry a secret. A secret, that can hurt my family and friends. I have kept this secret since June of 2005. When I finally discovered my real identity. All of me wanted to change so that I can go fourth and make everyone else happy. But now I know that I’m not going to change. This is who I am. And if no one likes it then that’s OK. If you can’t deal with the fact that I am like this, it seems like you have issues. I’m not going to live unhappy, while someone else embraces their identity. Truth is; I am a bisexual Dominican. I love myself for it. I love women. I love men. Is that a problem? I hope it’s not. Even if it is I don’t care. I’m fine. I don’t have a disease. I’m not going to die. And I refuse to believe that God is going to condemn me for who I am. Truth of the matter is God loves me. He loves me. God loves me. If he didn’t I wouldn’t be alive today proclaiming to all who I am and who it is that I like.

At the end of this letter you can either love me or hate me. You can choose to not talk to me anymore or you can choose to call me up and tell me that its ok for me to be who I am. If you have receive this letter it is because whether you know it or not you have had a positive affect in my life. I’m always asked how my day is and always say what I think will make people happy. But screw it. I’m tired. I've been depressed and I’m not going to take this anymore. Before coming out to my mother I was depressed to the point of total exhaustion. But its over. No more sleepless nights, no more cutting of the wrist, no more taking pills to what I think will end my days. Those days are over. I wanted to tell you about me. And I did. Go ahead crumble this letter up, throw it in the garbage, go gossip about me, go ahead and torture me, but why should I hide inside a closet?

Many people have laughed and talked about gays and lesbians and bisexual people in front me and expected me to be cool with it. I’m not cool with it at all. The laugh that I give when someone makes a nasty comment is me hiding myself. If you’ve said something about gay, lesbian , bisexual people, in front of me I don’t forgive you. Not the least bit. I guess you weren’t quick enough to judge.

Now, I want to thank the sick school who called me a “faggot” or “homo” without me even confirming it. To correct you I am BISEXUAL. I’m thanking you not because of the nasty comments, but because you have pressured me into finally coming out.
I’m done. This is me. I’m still bisexual. I will never change. I don’t want to change. I doubt that I will change. I’m the source to my own identity.

If you have a problem with me and who I am…well…It sounds like your personal problem now.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Jared's Next Top Jump-Off

Ok, so as I said yesterday, I have (or actually had) 3 Jump-Offs that were in the running to becoming Jared's Next Top Jump-Off (JNTJ). I received a lot of flack about that..I won't put any names out there, but I was called a hoe and a freak (jokingly of course) and I was told that I was too young to be having sex anyway. But whatever. I figured since Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and it's too close to the 14th for me to actually fall in love, I might as well have some fun. And then my birthday (May 9th people, May 9th) is coming, and you guys already know what's going down then!
So anyways, I have these three guys that are trying to get me bodied right now, but I thought I'd talk to all of them at the same time and then narrow down the one that I wanted to be with (I know somebody's gonna call me a ho for that). So here are the descriptions:

J-O #1: Tall, chocolate brotha with dreds. 19 years old. Kinda shy. Has only had sex once with a guy, none with a girl. Works 2 jobs and has his own car, and pays his own rent by himself. Really sexy...36" waist. Don't ask me how I know that.

J-O #2: Tall, chocolate, kinda thick brotha. Braids. 20 years old. Really outgoing, but not in a queenie type of way. Really funny. Who knows how many people he's had sex with. Works as an EMT and has his own car and pays his own rent by himself. Not as fine as J-O#1 but his personality makes up for it.

J-0#3: Medium height (5'7-5'8), skinny dude with a little bush. 20 years old. LOVES MUSIC. We can talk about music on the phone for hours. He's one of those souly kind of Common type of guys. Works at Hollister. No car. Lives at home with his mom. Finer than J-O#2, but not as fine as J-O#1.

So this is the deal. J-O#3 was kicked off of my reality show yesterday. The whole story behind that is wild. On Sunday, we were talking on the phone and he was at American Eagle buying sweatshirts. He bought like 3 and they were like 30 bucks each. Ok, so there's nothing wrong with that. But wait, yesterday I texted him to see how he was doing and he said bad, so I asked him why things were going so bad. He texted me back saying "I need $16 to get to work and my dad is in iraq." I texted him back like whatre you talking about? He was like "oh srry. a bus pass costs $16 for a week and my dad usually gives me the money when I don't have it but hes in Iraq right I don't know what I'm gonna do." Then this nigga goes on to ask me if I would drive to Baltimore County, which is like 45 minutes away from my house and give him $20....Nigga What?! no No NO! There are 2 reasons that I didn't do him the favor:

  1. He's not my man...he's just a jump off
  2. Nigga you was buyin sweatshirts at American Eagle!! You shoulda been buyin bus passes!!

So needless to say, I was like. I have in my hands, 2 photgraphs..Whoevers name I do not call, must immediately pack their sweatshirts and go back to momma's house! For those of you who have never seen America's Next Top Model, and don't know what happens after she doesn't show you your picture....well let's just say, they go home.

J-O#3, you are no longer in the running to being Jared's Next Top Jump-Off....sorry!

I'll keep you guys posted on the other 2 as things happen, but remember to stay away from


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"Ain't No Feelin' Like Bein' FREE"

YESSS!! Me and "Gary" finally got ourselves together!! The whole story behind me and this "Gary" character is funny because like he thought he could have sex with my friend, and do it "secretly" so that I wouldn't find out about it...HA!! Well, needless to say "Gary" whose real name is James...I don't know why I've been protecting his identity all this time...and my ex-friend Jonathan are no longer in my circle! I was so mad, I didn't even "Ring the Alarm" like I said I was gonna do if he ever cheated. Oh well!
So anyways, as everybody has probably experienced by now at least once, when you're in a relationship and it goes awry, the offender always wanna be blowin up your phone and sendin you text messages and hittin' up your MySpace talkin bout how sorry he is...WHATEVER! You shoulda thought about that before you went stickin' around!
So Sunday (our first snow of the year), he texts me and he was like, remember when we met? This was significant, because last year we met on the first snow of the year and it was all romantic and stuff. So he got me at my point of weakness, and I texted him back like "yea, so". And he's like "don't act like that, I'm sorry" and so I was like "I'm sorry too, that you felt the need to do what you did". So then he was like "man, how many times do I have to apologize?". I was like "don't try to put it on me, like I was the one in the wrong." So finally he was like "where does that leave us then?" and I was like "we're done."
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD THAT FEELS!! See we were like in a pending relationship status for like 3 months. I mean, we both knew what was up, but we never sat down and said, "hey it's over, stop calling me", it was more of me finding out and not speaking to him anymore. So now I'm trying to decide which jump-off I want to keep for Valentine's Day and my birthday, cuz you know it's gonna be on, on both of those days! It is NOT a I have 3 Jump-Offs right now and they all have potential but only one can be Jared's Next Top Jump-Off.
I'll go more into detail about them tomorrow, cuz they're funny to me. Jump-Off # 1 and I have a date on Friday night, so keep your fingers crossed, and I'll keep my legs crossed!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Things I Hate About Myspace and Other Various Dating/Networking Sites

I have been on myspace since last year and I've been on some other dating/networking sites for about that time as well. It's cool, because I've met a lot of people and found some people that I haven't seen in years. BUT, there are some things that I absolutely can't stand about these sites and I have comprised a list that I will share with you now.

  • I HATE when people post those stupid bulletins talkin' bout "OMG This Really Works!!!!!" and the bulletin has some great "Myspace profile counter" or some "Top 100" I hate that shit!! It doesn't work!
  • I HATE when people have like 6,000're stupid....go play on train tracks
  • I HATE when people put pictures in their photo album and they put a caption on it saying "I'm so ugly", or "I'm so fat" you're not, and if you were, you wouldn't have posted the picture.
  • I CAN'T STAND when people post those bulletins with some pointless shit in it and then at the bottom say "send this to 10 people in the next 3 minutes or your love life is gonna suck for the next 10 years" Ok my love life already sucks, so I have nothing to lose.
  • I HATE when people send you threats over these sites. Fighting over the internet is like being in a spelling bee.....even if you win, you're still a dork.(except for Akeelah)
  • I HATE when people that I don't even talk to wonder why they are not on my Top Friends list...How 'bout, because I don't like you whore. Remove yourself from my presence.
  • I HATE when dumb people send you a friend request and when you delete it, they send you another message saying "what's up witchu not accepting me?" I don't want your foolishness on my page! That's what's up!
  • I REALLY CAN'T STAND when like little slutty 12 year olds try to hit your page up and send you filthy, horny little messages and call you daddy and all this other messy craziness. I'm like, "I'm going to forward this to the police as well as your mother, and don't you have a spelling test to be studying for?"
  • I DON'T LIKE when people send you messages that say..."what's up yo, are you a top or a bottom, cuz im tryna get atchu"....WHAT?! no no no and NO!!

I'm really not bitching or anything...actually, I think some of this stuff is funny. I think if people would just contemplate what they do before they do it, Myspace and those other wannabe sites would be a whole lot more tell me you don't agree!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I Cried My Last Tear Yesterday

Last night, I got home from my first job tired and irritated, but I couldn't go to sleep. I had to change my clothes and go right to my second job. All this working and going to school is fun, but it gets crazy sometimes, because you don't have time to even think on your own. This has been going on for about 6 months now, and yesterday, I hit BOILING POINT!!!!
First of all, before I even got into my job, I saw my ex "Gary" with some other little nasty somebody, and that was like STRIKE 1. Then, when I got into work, some lady called me stupid because I couldn't find her size....In my mind I was like "Bitch! Didn't nobody tell your fat ass to come in here lookin for your size." Soooo, I cried. I cried and I cried. I cried like a little BIATCH!I boohoo cried, right in front of that lady. I went into the back of the store and everyone was like "Oh my God, are you ok??? Oh my God!" I had the sympathy vote lol. Oh yea by the way that was STRIKE 2. So then my manager saw me crying and he was like "what's wrong?!" and dadadada so I told him what happened and he let me go home. THEN, "Gary" called me and was like, "let's hang out tonight. I was like, "No, why don't you stay with the guy I saw you with earlier?" and he was like "I wasn't with no guy earlier, what are you talking about?" STRIKE 3. I hung up the phone!! Don't fuckin lie! So needless to say, I cried some more, and laid in my own misery until about 7:30 when my friend Zurich called.

When I answered, he immediately noticed the change in my voice and was like "what's wrong with you" and I was like "just a lot of stuff goin on" and he was like "ok i'm coming over now". So he came over and my mood was immediately changed because at 8:00 American Idol came on...What!? I was DYIN'!!!!!!!!

Now, let me just say I PROMISED myself I wasn't going to watch the season premier and get sucked into the foolishness of the horrible contestants. But....I guess I lied..I loved every minute of the horrible fools that just KNEW that they were the best thing to ever hit the American Idol stage. I know the people that watched it know what I'm talking about. My favorite was the girl with the braids and tie that couldn't seem to get Prince's "Kiss" together.

I am really happy to have friends like Zurich, that you can watch stupid mess with and just adjust your whole attitude. So, now I'm back to my old bubbly self and I'm happy about it, cuz now that I think about it, I'm like "bitch, get it together!" Here are some messy pix from American Idol (Seattle) last night.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

All This Strife and Shade Throwing

Ok so, I went to the bank today to cash my check and I was next in line for this for this bank teller that was obviously gay. He had on these tight dress pants and a womens' sweater and a tight vest with a grey and white herringbone fedora. Of course he had his lebrae pierced with the Destiny's Child charm bracelet that he bought from the Destiny Fulfilled Tour, because I saw them when I went. But I digress.
So I get up to the counter and I was like, I'm here to cash my check. So he gave me this little side look like "so what, who cares?". So I just pretended that I didn't see it and proceeded to give him my ID and my credit card and stuff and he tried to proces my information. While I was waiting I told him that his hair was cute (he had like a little Darryl Stephens curl). He said to me: "I know, everything about me is.".......See it's a new year, and I promised myself that I wasn't going to go there with blatantly ignorant people, so I didn't I just stared at him.
I'm getting SOOOO tired of these little nasty, muscle butt, feminine, queeny, cunt, gay people that think they're celebrites! Now let me clear the record before I get dogged. I am totally not against feminine homosexuals...I mean what can I say? I can be pretty feminine at times too, but in all that, I don't lose perspective. I am just a normal person like everybody else, and for somebody to think that they're above somebody over some stupid nonsensical bull, is totally confusing to me. Also let me set the record straight on the fact that I am not just talking about bottoms, I am talking about tops too, because I have seen the inner Beyonce' come out of some "homothugs" too. I guess what I'm trying to say is, can we please have an accurate display of ourselves? I mean, I know there are times that we all feel like we are the shit(sorry ReddMann), but let's keep it under control!

Monday, January 15, 2007

This Past Weekend!!!

To say this past weekend was crazier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest is the understatement of the YEAR....and we're only 15 days into it! Saturday was my bestest friend Kordale's (Smuffin) 18th Birthday....and OH we showed out!!!! Me, Kordale, and my other friends Reggie and AJ painted the town rainbow, and I definitely have no regrets about it. We started out at Red Robin (which me and my friend Melissa visited and loved last weekend!). And we laughed so hard in there that I didn't even eat my food!!! I should have though cuz that shit was 9 dollars, but nonethelss...So anyways, we were off the HOOK in that restaurant. We had all the Whites looking uneasy and uncomfortable! We talked about everything from penis to...well umm...penis, and our waitress (who eerily resembled Mya) was even jumpin in on it!(she got a $25 tip)...So then, when it was time for the waiters and waitresses to sing the little "happy happy birthday" song, I handpicked the waiters and waitresses that I wanted to sing in the birthday wasn't a game...I didn't want any greasy waiters all over our cake, nor did I want that nasty Harry Potter look alike!!! So yea that was fun. So we go back to the local mall and visited our other friend Brandon who couldn't come because he had to work, but he had an attitude that I wasn't feelin, so he had to go! Later on, we went to the bowling alley for like the little midnight bowl thing, but the lady said that they didn't have any more lanes...I just think it was cuz they didn't want 4 black faggots taking their bowling alley over...whatever she had a Donald Trump comb-over anyways...stupid bitch! But, it was good that the bowling alley was full because then we did the gayest thing 4 gay kids could do.....go skating!!! I haven't been skating in YEARS. Last time I went skating was when I went with the church youth and this nasty skank named Shirelle gave this boy head behind the dumpster....that filthy ho..I can't stand her...BUT I DIGRESS.....So yea when we got in there, all the white people pulled their kids over to the side....better for me, cuz they weren't in my way! Skating was a lot of fun, besides the fact that Reggie was actin like he had a vagina and was like "I can't skate, I don't wanna, I don't feel like it." Whatever bitch! Oh yeah, I have NEVER seen so many little kids bust their ASS like was SOOOO fuggin funny! So by this point the night was about to be over, so we all go back to the mall to get our cars and go home, when we see these drunk ass white people getting ready to go at it in the parking lot! They were like "Bitch, fuck you Carrie!" and the other white people were like "No FUCK YOU! Motherfucker, Do you have a fucking problem with me?!" and the other white people were like "Whatever...whatever, whatever!" and then the other white people were like "shut the fuck up!!!"....that was icing on a cake that would've been good without!! So...Happy Birthday Smuffin..I hope you'll celebrate many many more!!!
Oh yea, I wouldve had pictures of this whole event, but Kordale's "ponk ass" didn't email them to me like he was supposed to....bitch.
Ok so I'm about to be selfish for a minute...if you thought Kordale's birthday would be fun, wait til mine comes in 3 monts and 23 days. I am already in Preparation for my B'Day and oh what a day that will BE!!!! I need to get my "Freakum Dress" so that I can "Get Bodied" on that day!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Random Fridays

Last night I was racking my brain for something to write about today. But, all I got was a piece about my celebrity crushes, but that would be the longest blog EVER because I have so many of them. And then if I put pictures on there?? Oh no! And anyway, everybody should already know how I feel about: LL, Andre 3000, Larenz Tate, Idris Elba(yessss!!!), Will Smith, Jensen Atwood(YESSS!!!), Boris Kodjoe, Ludacris, Lil Scrappy, Big Boi, Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony, Dwayne Wade (yeesssssss!!!!!). See what I mean? That would've taken forever, and I still have so many more ::cough::Diddy::cough:: SOOOO...I'm going to just be random for a couple minutes so bear with me please!!
  • Thank you to everyone that responded to my interview! I didn't realize people were going to like it that much! That is really crazy!
  • A lot of people have been asking me about the "How Would it Feel to be Gay" series. I called the board of education and I talked to a woman and she said that my parents would have to be involved if it went any further, so since I wasn't totally out to my parents, it wouldn't really be a good idea. So, I just left alone. Oh well, at the rate things are going in our culture, there'll be a whole slew of other causes I can fight for....Not to mention I've been called an overexaggerating queen on more than one occasion.
  • I can NOT for the life of me finish watching RENT...I always fall asleep!
  • Meryl Streep was a BAD BITCH in "The Devil Wears Prada". I want to be just like her when I grow up.
  • Is it just me, or is that movie "Stomp the Yard" not at all appetizing...well besides the fact that I saw like 30 shirtless men in the preview.
  • Speaking of "Stomp the Yard", Meagan Good needs to be in a movie that will broaden her horizons. She's been in every Ghetto Black production imagineable: "Biker Boyz", "You Got Served", "Deliver Us From Eva"(actually I kinda liked this movie), "Waist Deep", "The Cookout"....Need I go further?!
  • Oh yeah, I just thought of something for a blog....!!!!!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

My interview with Kordale B.

Ok so, I'm always on people's blog and they have all these interviews with important/famous people (QueerKid, Clay Cane). So, I thought about it and I realized I don't know any famous people, but I do have friends, so I interviewed my bestest friend in the whole world, Kordale. It's nothing really in depth or thought provoking, I just thought it would be fun, so here it is.

Jared: What are you doing?

Kordale: Right now?

J: No, tomorrow. Yes right now!

K: Whatever, nothing just waiting for my cousin to get off of work so I can go pick him up and listening to my Zune.

J: Oh, you got one of those?

K: Yeah.

J: For Christmas?

K: Yeah.

J: Ok so, what are you listening to the most on there?

K: Well I downloaded the Ciara CD and a little bit of Fantasia.

J: OH that's my SHIT! What did you get off of there?

K: Just that one song "Hood Boy".

J: Bitch you need to get on it...get the whole CD please.

K: OK.

J: Ok so, a lot of people are talking about size...does size matter to you?

K: No, just as long as the person has one.

J: Wow, you're nasty.

K: But I'm honest.

J: Let's not EVEN get into that! So are you ready to graduate?

K: I first I didn't know what I wanted to do, but now I do

J: Which is going to the military, right?

K: Yep

J: Are you scared?

K: No not really, I'm just having second thoughts. I still want to do stuff with animals.

J: Ill like what?

K: Like work at a zoo or something...

J: Wow, I never knew that...that's interesting. You're serious right?

K: Yeah, very serious.

J: So are you single?

K: Yup.

J: Are you looking?

K: Yea, but I'm kinda talking to somebody too.

J: I hope you're not talking about that rich guy.

K: No.

J: Or that other guy.

K: No.

J: Oh ok. So let's talk about your relationship with Raoul*.

K: That bitch.

J: Yea I knew that would get you hot!

K: I don't even want to talk about it.

J: This is MY interview ho. You're gonna talk about it.

K: Anyway...He just really made me mad.

J: Yeah I know, I was about to cut him when I met him.

K: Yeah and that's the other thing, I don't like how he disrespected you. You come before anybody I date.

J: Awwwwww!!!! Really?

K: Yeah, you know that.

J: I know, I'm just making sure YOU know.

K: Whatever.

J: Ok so let's get off of that...Saturday you'll be the big 1-8. Do you have any plans besides the ones we've already made? Any tattoos or piercings or anything?

K: Well I can't get any tattoos because of the military, but I do want to get my tongue pierced.

J: Ill why?

K: So I can give better head.

J: I hope you know that I'm writing that.

K: NOOO come on I forgot that we were recording.

J: Your fault; I'm writing it!

K: Whatever. But yeah, I'm gonna get my tongue pierced, but I'm not saying anything because Darren* just got his pierced, and he'll think I'm copying him.

J: When did Darren* get his tongue pierced?

K: A while ago.

J: I don't like him...he's a clown.

K: Yeah I know me neither, but I'm not going to hate on him because it's a new year and I said I wasn't going to.

J: I couldn't have said it if there's nothing else, I think we're finished here.

K: I hope, cuz you're getting on my nerves.

J: Whatever...thank you for letting me interview you!

K: No problem anytime.

So that's it people!'d I do?! lol.

*Names were changed to protect bullshitters!

Cock & Bull: The search for the perfect Cock

Hey people...this is the first installment of the post that Queer Kid of Color ( has so graciously agreed to write for my blog every other Thursday. It is called Cock & Bull: The search for the perfect Cock. It is really well written, so enjoy!

I have met plenty of good guys in the two years that I have been a part of the gay scene. Guys who enjoyed my company, guys who would say I seduced them with my personality. So what a surprise that since being a great guy I still have managed to be single. NO! DON’T GO! THIS ISNT A BITCH AND RAVE ABOUT ME BEING SINGLE. BITCH DON’T CHANGE BLOGS! Anyways, contrary to whatever I may say, I think I’m the perfect gentlemen. Even though I may be just a little stubborn when it comes to picking and choosing carefully who I like. I’ve never dated either. I just “hung out” with guys. Which leads me to this transition:

I finally thought to leave my stubborn ways, stop thinking that I’m above the guys who like me and give this one guy the opportunity to change my perceptions about the other gays I’ve encountered. To sum it all up, I thought I met the perfect cock.

I was wrong.

The perfect cock turned out to be an English gentlemen who is having a love affair with his church, an undercover straight guy who doesn’t like being gay and who thought homosexuality is a sin. I was induced by his state of mind, enticed by the words he chose to speak, captivated by how articulate he was and moved enough to mentally piece together a life of ecstasy. So why am I still running behind him? Why am I still making out with him in his car? Why do I feel affection for someone who thinks I’m a sin? No, I’m not desperate. Trust. I’m not. Patience for relationships is something I have no problem exercising. I’m running behind this perfect ten of a man because I’m afraid that perhaps he will realize some day he isn’t straight and decide to find another man. I feel like there is no one like him. When he finally finds out that he isn’t straight, I want to be the first face he sees and the first person he thinks about when it hits him that there’s nothing wrong with being same gender loving because after all its survival of the fittest and we’re all looking for the prefect cock.

Jazmine Sullivan

This girl....mmm....I don't even know what to say about her. Jazmine Sullivan is a singer that my friend Myra put me on to, and I do NOT regret being a groupie for her. Oh my GOD this girl is talented. She has been compared to Kim Burell and Kiki Sheard, but I have put her in a category of her own. You know when you listen to something and you only hear a little bit but it's so good, you have to just pause it and shout for a minute? That's what she does to me! She wrote a song for Kindred and she wrote Say I for Christina Milian, but the sad thing is, she's better than Christina Milian! Sorry Christina, no shade here. And,..I think she's only like 19 or 20. If you have LimeWire, which everyone should, she's on there. Anyway,this girl is too fierce for words, so I'm gonna let her music speak for itself...oh yea look out for Mr. QueerKid's ( post on my blog and the interview I did with my best friend today.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Me and My Ex

Ok so, yesterday I'm doing my daily internet browse and you know I hit the good MySpace. So I have all these new messages and friend requests and such, and in my Inbox I have a message from somebody who I don't recognize, cuz you know how people always change their pictures to inanimate objects and things that don't make any sense. So anyway, I look at the subject and the subject is "Tui, we need to talk".....oh shit, here we go. Tui is the nickname my ex-boyfriend gave me and nobody else calls me that, so I knew it was only one person. I was kinda shocked that he sent me a message, but what we had to talk about wasn't clear. I thought we were done talking a couple months ago...but whatever. So I read the message and this is what it said...I'll clarify what he's talking about in red.
Babe, (ok so when did you get the permission to call me babe again?) we need to talk about some things. I know I did you dirty and I was wrong, but I think we can werk (ok spell check?!) this out. Please call me. You're being as stubborn as always and that's part of the reason why I love you (cut the bull). So, let me know what's going on. I miss hearing your voice and we never finished I Say A Little Prayer. (I used to read to him every night over the phone, and we were reading I Say A Little Prayer by E. Lynn Harris before he started acting stupid...oh well he's a loser.) I was looking at this message with a blank expression, and then.....I just started crackin up. Nigga please, we haven't talked in 2 months. You haven't made any attempts to call my number that is still the same or come to the job that you KNOW I work at every weekend. Whatever. So this is what I sent him back.

Gary*, cut the bull! Thanks!

*Names were changed to protect the bullshitter!

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Me Doin' Me!

Me doin' me right like it, don't lie.


So I brought that bill from the State Highway Administration to work (I work at State Farm Insurance) and I talked to my boss about it and he said that my insurance would cover that $700!!!!! YEEEESSSS!! I was like good cuz don't nobody have no $700 to just be givin' away, what is wrong with them? So that is a huge burden lifted off of me. I don't know WHAT I would've done if I had to pay that. Like, I woulda had to sell my body or something...$700 is a lot of bread. So that's it. I'm super happy about it!

Monday, January 8, 2007

This Goddam Bill!

Ok so, I got in a car accident in October where I pulled out and this asshole sped up and hit me on the back seat driver's side....I went on the other side of the street and he rammed into the guardrail and F'd it UP! So since I pulled out and he was the oncoming traffic, the accident was considered my fault...oops my bad! So my insurance paid for his car or whatever and it was done, but why the fuck did I get a bill from the State Highway Administration in the mail for $698.75 for the repair of the guard rail???!!! I was SOO heated..i'm hoping my insurance will cover that shit, but who knows...Whenever I start to stack my bread, something like this always happens and I'm always back at 0...oh well.

I'm Back!

Hey guys I'm back from the weekend. This weekend seemed really long. I enjoyed myself actually..I only worked 2/3 days of the weekend and nobody was "throwin shade" at me on myspace! Oh yeah, I hear Mr. Cool J is writing a book? What's that all about? If he was smart, he would just make a 300 page picture book or something. Oh well his life. What else did I do this weekend?? Oh yeah I saw Dreamgirls again. That makes numero cuatro. I fell in love with it all over again. Oh yeah and I went to this great restaurant called Red Robin with my friend Melissa..I have some pictures of that actually...I'll post that today. There was somethin else major that happened to me this weekend, but I forget!! I hate that. OH YEAH!! I got this bill in the mail...well you know what? That's a whole 'nother blog, but until then, here are those pictures. I'm so goofy!

Friday, January 5, 2007

Have a good weekend!

Hey this is Jared...I didn't have much to say today, so I just thought I'd wish everyone a very lovely weekend. Talk to you all Monday!

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls

Hey errybody this is Jared letting you guys know about something I'm doing for the new year. I have asked my fellow blogger and new friend "Queer Kid"( to start writing a little column on my page, and he has agreed!!! I just thought it would be cool to get somebody on here to talk about whatever and give me a lil break when I have stupid writer's block. So starting next Thursday, Mr. QueerKid is gonna do a lil bi-weekly column on my blog...I'm really excited about it...I just have to think of a title for it...any suggestions? Anyway, fellas this is what it's all about. Finding good people out there with their head on straight and connecting with them. So look out for that on umm....the....11th of this month. Oh yea and thanks for all the people reading my blog out guys's support is what keeps me from not doing my work and writing on here all day!! ; )

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

I hate it when straight girls/I love it when straight girls

I hate it when straight girls:
  1. Find out you're gay and then say "Oooh my couzin Peaches is gay, I'ma hook y'all up." I'm like no bitch, don't nobody wanna meet no damn Peaches..girl please!
  2. Say.."Oooh you are so funny, are all gay guys funny?" I'm like actually no, I've met some gay people that were just not at all remotely funny
  3. Thinks it's acceptable to call you girl just cuz they saw a show on UPN where a female called a gay person girl.
  4. Try to act like they know how it feels to be gay
  5. Think that you are their personal shopper

I love it when straight girls:

  1. Can dress their asses off!!!
  2. Make a connection with you and you guys are friends forever
  3. Are not ashamed to claim you as a friend in public
  4. Stick up for you and take your side, even though you BOTH know you're wrong
  5. Are ready to cuss anybody out and make loose threats that you both know aren't going to be fulfilled.

Church on New Years?

Ok so first of all, let me say Happy New Year to urrybody! I'm really excited about this year and I am looking forward to the fresh and new experiences that I'll have this year. Now, of course I'm not oblivious to the fact that there will be some drama and mess going on, but, hey. I'm planning on just rollin' right through it. Oh yea by the way, Jared's New Year's Resolution is: I am going to watch my mouth this year!!! Lately my mouth as been OUT OF CONTROL and I need to bring it back. I just say anything outta my mouth and that has GOT to stop lol. A lot of people say it's just honesty, but my mouth reaches beyond that into the territory of rudeness. If I learned anything in Sunday School that still applies to me today is that the mouth is a weapon, and I've been a weapon of MASS Destruction. So, yeah, I'm gonna work on that.
But anyway, everbody knows that around December 28-29 that people always ask "Oh, so what are you doin' for New Year's?" or "I know you're going to the club come New Years". So, people were really surprised to find out that I was going to church on New Year's Eve/Day for their annual "watch night service"....hmmm...I was actually kind of surprised too. Now, I've been raised in the church, so the church members would've been appauled if I was anywhere else but church, but this past year I realized that I can do what I want, so...I hadn't planned on going. Well, after a few nudges from my mother, I finally caved and I went...and I don't regret it!!
A lot of people who I was gonna hang out with were telling me what I missed and I wasn't really impressed. Here's a brief list of what I missed:

1. getting totally wasted and f**ked up
2. getting arrested for trespassing! (I almost broke my resolution on that one)
3. eating myself into a McDonald's induced stupor
4. "gettin some"
5. sleeping

Hmm...wasn't missing really anything, but here's what I got by going to church...

1. hearing a praise team that was OFF THA HOOK
2. seeing some people that I haven't seen or heard from in years
3. having my own lil stand up routine in the pew (i had them fools CRACKIN UP!!)
4. not having to endure a sermon that was full of crude humor, and anti-gay slurs
5. homemade chicken and waffles afterwards

You can't beat that shit! You just can't! So needless to say, unless some horrible circumstance comes about, I'll probably be in church again for next New Year's. I really and honestly had a good time! You guys should go!...Now church on Sunday mornings...that my friends is a different story....