Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Jared's Next Top Jump-Off

Ok, so as I said yesterday, I have (or actually had) 3 Jump-Offs that were in the running to becoming Jared's Next Top Jump-Off (JNTJ). I received a lot of flack about that..I won't put any names out there, but I was called a hoe and a freak (jokingly of course) and I was told that I was too young to be having sex anyway. But whatever. I figured since Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and it's too close to the 14th for me to actually fall in love, I might as well have some fun. And then my birthday (May 9th people, May 9th) is coming, and you guys already know what's going down then!
So anyways, I have these three guys that are trying to get me bodied right now, but I thought I'd talk to all of them at the same time and then narrow down the one that I wanted to be with (I know somebody's gonna call me a ho for that). So here are the descriptions:

J-O #1: Tall, chocolate brotha with dreds. 19 years old. Kinda shy. Has only had sex once with a guy, none with a girl. Works 2 jobs and has his own car, and pays his own rent by himself. Really sexy...36" waist. Don't ask me how I know that.

J-O #2: Tall, chocolate, kinda thick brotha. Braids. 20 years old. Really outgoing, but not in a queenie type of way. Really funny. Who knows how many people he's had sex with. Works as an EMT and has his own car and pays his own rent by himself. Not as fine as J-O#1 but his personality makes up for it.

J-0#3: Medium height (5'7-5'8), skinny dude with a little bush. 20 years old. LOVES MUSIC. We can talk about music on the phone for hours. He's one of those souly kind of Common type of guys. Works at Hollister. No car. Lives at home with his mom. Finer than J-O#2, but not as fine as J-O#1.

So this is the deal. J-O#3 was kicked off of my reality show yesterday. The whole story behind that is wild. On Sunday, we were talking on the phone and he was at American Eagle buying sweatshirts. He bought like 3 and they were like 30 bucks each. Ok, so there's nothing wrong with that. But wait, yesterday I texted him to see how he was doing and he said bad, so I asked him why things were going so bad. He texted me back saying "I need $16 to get to work and my dad is in iraq." I texted him back like whatre you talking about? He was like "oh srry. a bus pass costs $16 for a week and my dad usually gives me the money when I don't have it but hes in Iraq right now...so I don't know what I'm gonna do." Then this nigga goes on to ask me if I would drive to Baltimore County, which is like 45 minutes away from my house and give him $20....Nigga What?! no No NO! There are 2 reasons that I didn't do him the favor:

  1. He's not my man...he's just a jump off
  2. Nigga you was buyin sweatshirts at American Eagle!! You shoulda been buyin bus passes!!

So needless to say, I was like. I have in my hands, 2 photgraphs..Whoevers name I do not call, must immediately pack their sweatshirts and go back to momma's house! For those of you who have never seen America's Next Top Model, and don't know what happens after she doesn't show you your picture....well let's just say, they go home.

J-O#3, you are no longer in the running to being Jared's Next Top Jump-Off....sorry!

I'll keep you guys posted on the other 2 as things happen, but remember to stay away from

J-O#3's

4 comments:

That Dude Right There said...

This is a mess! Now did you tell J-0#3 that he was out of the running?

Marz said...

You're not a hoe. Just looking out for prospects. I'm doing the SAME THING for my male prom date. (LOL)


ANd isn't it a mess how gay boys will buy luxuries before essentials. Walking down the street in the new Air Force's, can't afford to buy some to wash your ass.


-Marz

Cocoa Rican said...

LAWD! I laughed so hard folks in my dept. stopped by my office to see if I was okay!! Boi, I officially cannot read your blog at the office! You're talent for using pop-culture to weed-out your dates is priceless!!!
Pa, since you're young, stick with the cutie... all that substantial "shyt" will come later! :)

Monie said...

LMMFAO! This post was HILARIOUS!